Being October I thought I'd hit on the idea of fear. And if you know me then you know that I like to take care of things myself. It's partially not trusting people but partially cause I like to accomplish things and little tasks completed daily make me feel good since big tasks completed monthly annually or other such things take so long and feel so rare.
And then there times in life when you can do nothing about anything and you have to go somewhere else for help. You head to a doctor's office or hospital. These places always give me the creeps and I'll for one say I'm more afraid of a doctor with a stethoscope than a man with a gun.
Even though I know there's real science behind modern medical practices x-rays, chemotherapy, and the myriad of drugs and instruments these institutions seem to demand respect for the people in there just because they work with the stuff I don't have the time or money to study. Almost if they're hiding behind a wall of magic.
And meanwhile every time I see a doctor dentist or medical professional I spend money that I need to be using to be make rent. I can't afford insurance that would cover minor ailments so the places become areas of last resort and only for use of immediate life threatening conditions.
Besides which I always feel that I get blamed for having something bad happen to me anytime that I show up for some type of treatment. If I had only run more been less risky lived differently not crossed that particular street at that particular time I wouldn't be here. So not only am I hurt and looking at risking long term life for short term benefits I'm being blamed for it. Granted there are times when health problems have been my fault like ingrown toenails that have gotten out of hand but still...
And do they always have to be so uncomfortable places to go and wait?
