It's been a good 3 years now and I've grown accustomed to your ways Las Vegas. I know when you're awake and when you're asleep and what you like on your pizza. But our time together has come to an end. Graduating it seems has put a distance between you and me. You like it when you can take advantage of people using your wit and guile, and I just might be the same.
So we used each other. I tried to learn what you know and you gladly took my money for it. I'm going to miss you a bit but only about as much as you'll miss me. There's a bit of you that's run down trying to always provide for the rest of the country. You have to be up to some of the best and worst expectations that people have and that makes for tough times when everyone feels like being down.
But you're not a city who likes those of us who have a degree perhaps you think we're too stuck up. Or maybe it's just me. I'm guessing it's time to move on. I'm trying to go out and see what sights there are to see and to try a new thing or two or three. I'm ready to find other people like me who don't think that singing a song can only be done for $50 plus fees at a show that's almost sure to be done every night of the week.
It's not you. It's me.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Thursday, December 16, 2010
My email to Harry Reid on Nasa.
I'm a supporter of America as a leader in the areas of science and technology, but it seems that Nasa doesn't have the support it needs to maintain a presence in the world of tomorrow. I ask you to get an ambitious project from Nasa, say going to mars or Venus and lets make it happen.
We need inspirational topics right now and Health care isn't inspiring, nor is defense spending. What ought to matter is the spirit of the American People and how we are world leaders. So I ask that you help us to lead where we need it most in the symbol of greatness that we can lead most the exploration of the Universe.
Ask for an ambitious project get some of our leading minds to explore and then lets make it happen. It'll take minds off of the recession and put them where we need to be. In the future. Thanks much;
Michael Mills
We need inspirational topics right now and Health care isn't inspiring, nor is defense spending. What ought to matter is the spirit of the American People and how we are world leaders. So I ask that you help us to lead where we need it most in the symbol of greatness that we can lead most the exploration of the Universe.
Ask for an ambitious project get some of our leading minds to explore and then lets make it happen. It'll take minds off of the recession and put them where we need to be. In the future. Thanks much;
Michael Mills
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Tasting the End
It came at the end of another class, I got a taste of how life seems to enfold for me. It's been a long time of continuing to plug away at whatever I'm currently doing. A final rush as I tried to make sure everything worked out well. Move a line a little to the left to make the work look good. Cut a little paper, glue a little bit together, and set thing out to be seen.
Then look at all the work that others have done. See just something I like and other things I'd like to tweak just a tad if only they were mine, and still others that make me gag. We discuss things as a class and then turn it all in to be graded. But this wasn't the important part of the day. It was the prelude to the best part of the day.
More than a little tired a friend of mine sits in a chair her head resting on her arm just glad to be done with it all and we talk about this and that while we watch as everyone unwinds from the work we've accomplished. I remember how much that everything I've done in this class even though it might rightfully be called mine is a product of everyone around me.
And then she takes a moment and asks if I want to go and grab a bite to eat, she knows that I'm graduating and this will be the last time we see each other for perhaps a long time. It's not like this will be the last that we'll know of each other in this internet connected age, but here's the signal that it's time to move on and we decide that we want to let the moment to linger on just as much as we can. We stay in the classroom that previously we couldn't wait to get out of, and then complete a few mundane tasks about campus, (she's still got some schooling to do) registration and the like then off to a small resturant.
I try a Hawaiian dish that I've not had before, It's ok and Christmas songs play in the background:
"You better be good for goodness sake"
We talk about the future. When nobody knows the future and there isn't a good guide in the present people get a little anxious. But life is resilient and its not the first time that this has happened for any of us. We make a plan and hope that circumstances will conspire to work with us and make us sucessful. But eventually the meal ends and it's time to say goodbye. I walk back to the parking garage with her, It seems the right thing to do even though I've passed my bike a ways back, a quick hug and then goodbye.
And that's all.
Nothing life shaking no worries.
Sometimes a moment just needs to be crystallized and this is my way of doing that.
Then look at all the work that others have done. See just something I like and other things I'd like to tweak just a tad if only they were mine, and still others that make me gag. We discuss things as a class and then turn it all in to be graded. But this wasn't the important part of the day. It was the prelude to the best part of the day.
More than a little tired a friend of mine sits in a chair her head resting on her arm just glad to be done with it all and we talk about this and that while we watch as everyone unwinds from the work we've accomplished. I remember how much that everything I've done in this class even though it might rightfully be called mine is a product of everyone around me.
And then she takes a moment and asks if I want to go and grab a bite to eat, she knows that I'm graduating and this will be the last time we see each other for perhaps a long time. It's not like this will be the last that we'll know of each other in this internet connected age, but here's the signal that it's time to move on and we decide that we want to let the moment to linger on just as much as we can. We stay in the classroom that previously we couldn't wait to get out of, and then complete a few mundane tasks about campus, (she's still got some schooling to do) registration and the like then off to a small resturant.
I try a Hawaiian dish that I've not had before, It's ok and Christmas songs play in the background:
"You better be good for goodness sake"
We talk about the future. When nobody knows the future and there isn't a good guide in the present people get a little anxious. But life is resilient and its not the first time that this has happened for any of us. We make a plan and hope that circumstances will conspire to work with us and make us sucessful. But eventually the meal ends and it's time to say goodbye. I walk back to the parking garage with her, It seems the right thing to do even though I've passed my bike a ways back, a quick hug and then goodbye.
And that's all.
Nothing life shaking no worries.
Sometimes a moment just needs to be crystallized and this is my way of doing that.
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Choice and the power of rant to calm the soul
It true that we in America love the idea of freedom. It's everything that we claim to want and stand for. I don't expect that to change anytime soon. I'm sorry to say however that we think that we need to protect ourselves from ourselves and our freedoms. The following rant comes because I'm trying channel some constructive energy into writing even though it isn't the 10 page paper I should be working on.
I'm a little jazzed after watching "Thank you for Smoking" and having a energy drink. It might have been a beer earlier but I'm guilty of misplacing my Driver's license. I'm pretty sure it's in my car in Elko only 7 hrs away from here. Anyway I was looking to dull the pain of this paper I have to write. because as you may not know I have problems when I'm made to do "busy" work. And all this paper is for is so that my gallery practices class can have something worth grading, because like real life there isn't much to grade about it. The work is either done or not done and all of it is subject to the whims of the viewers.
Anyhow I'm hating the paper and trying to get past the headache it gives me contemplating it. When I come across the not so bright idea of getting a drink and writing while my sense of self-righteousness is dull. But as I said there is a problem of no drivers licence.
So I think I've got a wallet full of things with my name on them and birthdate that ought to be enough. And I head to the grocery store in hopes of finding something that tastes better than swill to help the experience become enjoyable.
Apon arrival I'm immediately greeted by a man who tells me a sob story of how he's unable to get a perscription card and how he tried to kill himself. And could I give him 60-70 dollars or take him home for the night. Then he tells me he's a christian and that his christmas wish is for some money for an ID which just rubs me wrong since I'm without an ID myself and I'm doing ok. Besides ID's don't cost 60-70 dollars, at least I don't think they do... Anyhow the only thing he tells me in his abundance of lies that I like hearing is that I remind him of John Lennon. However Lennon was dead 4 years before I was born and maybe he needs to update his references a bit. I gave him 5 dollars to shut him up. Maybe that's the best money I have ever spent.
I then found the object of my designs and proceeded to try and use the checkout and presented my various methods of reasoning towards the cashier that I ought to be allowed to buy my desired beverage.
1. I'm 26 years old and I definately don't look like a 20 year old trying to illegally purchase something
2. Photo ID in the form of a student id card, along with credit cards, debit cards, health insurance cards, and a card showing membership in the Lower Brule Sioux Tribe.
3. It's the press of a button that requires no pain on his part.
However these methods failed to get me anything as the cashier said no and then suggested that I bring a birth certificate with me for this transaction. As I said before I know I'm in the wrong, however it wasn't any of that that swayed him it was that as he said
"There are no jobs" and "It only takes a small infraction before I'm out of mine."
His job sucks. He has to deal with people who can't run a self checkout stand. He has to restock items and it's minimum wage. And he's rightfully afraid that there aren't any jobs in Las Vegas.
But still the fact that it's a crime to sell me something that I should be allowed to purchase at any age, let alone 5 years after the official legal age without some sort of proof of who I am in the form of a plastic card irks me. That there are people who have nothing better to do than try and bust a guy for trying to make a profit irks me. That after all this time we know that smoking kills people and that we still get mad at the tobacco companies for lying to people about the dangers of tobacco, when for my entire life nobody has ever said it's good for you irks me.
Stop protecting people from themselves and allow them to act like adults. We make choices and live with the consequences. I didn't go into computer science and went into art when I know that I'll probably make less money at that. Give people information and then let them decide. But stop acting like everyone needs protection all the time.
I believe in freedom, and I want it even if it means I am wrong. It's the only way that freedom is meaningful.
I'm a little jazzed after watching "Thank you for Smoking" and having a energy drink. It might have been a beer earlier but I'm guilty of misplacing my Driver's license. I'm pretty sure it's in my car in Elko only 7 hrs away from here. Anyway I was looking to dull the pain of this paper I have to write. because as you may not know I have problems when I'm made to do "busy" work. And all this paper is for is so that my gallery practices class can have something worth grading, because like real life there isn't much to grade about it. The work is either done or not done and all of it is subject to the whims of the viewers.
Anyhow I'm hating the paper and trying to get past the headache it gives me contemplating it. When I come across the not so bright idea of getting a drink and writing while my sense of self-righteousness is dull. But as I said there is a problem of no drivers licence.
So I think I've got a wallet full of things with my name on them and birthdate that ought to be enough. And I head to the grocery store in hopes of finding something that tastes better than swill to help the experience become enjoyable.
Apon arrival I'm immediately greeted by a man who tells me a sob story of how he's unable to get a perscription card and how he tried to kill himself. And could I give him 60-70 dollars or take him home for the night. Then he tells me he's a christian and that his christmas wish is for some money for an ID which just rubs me wrong since I'm without an ID myself and I'm doing ok. Besides ID's don't cost 60-70 dollars, at least I don't think they do... Anyhow the only thing he tells me in his abundance of lies that I like hearing is that I remind him of John Lennon. However Lennon was dead 4 years before I was born and maybe he needs to update his references a bit. I gave him 5 dollars to shut him up. Maybe that's the best money I have ever spent.
I then found the object of my designs and proceeded to try and use the checkout and presented my various methods of reasoning towards the cashier that I ought to be allowed to buy my desired beverage.
1. I'm 26 years old and I definately don't look like a 20 year old trying to illegally purchase something
2. Photo ID in the form of a student id card, along with credit cards, debit cards, health insurance cards, and a card showing membership in the Lower Brule Sioux Tribe.
3. It's the press of a button that requires no pain on his part.
However these methods failed to get me anything as the cashier said no and then suggested that I bring a birth certificate with me for this transaction. As I said before I know I'm in the wrong, however it wasn't any of that that swayed him it was that as he said
"There are no jobs" and "It only takes a small infraction before I'm out of mine."
His job sucks. He has to deal with people who can't run a self checkout stand. He has to restock items and it's minimum wage. And he's rightfully afraid that there aren't any jobs in Las Vegas.
But still the fact that it's a crime to sell me something that I should be allowed to purchase at any age, let alone 5 years after the official legal age without some sort of proof of who I am in the form of a plastic card irks me. That there are people who have nothing better to do than try and bust a guy for trying to make a profit irks me. That after all this time we know that smoking kills people and that we still get mad at the tobacco companies for lying to people about the dangers of tobacco, when for my entire life nobody has ever said it's good for you irks me.
Stop protecting people from themselves and allow them to act like adults. We make choices and live with the consequences. I didn't go into computer science and went into art when I know that I'll probably make less money at that. Give people information and then let them decide. But stop acting like everyone needs protection all the time.
I believe in freedom, and I want it even if it means I am wrong. It's the only way that freedom is meaningful.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
A Desent into Madness (driving home for thanksgiving)
If you have ever travel long distances by yourself in a car you know that there's a bit of insanity involved in the whole process. The road tries to sway you to sleep while you're traveling 70 miles an hour vs people who are doing the same opposite to you.
I thought I'd let you in on a bit of my trip.
Stage One: Exiting Las Vegas.
At this stage of my trip extreme paranoia sets in. I went down a major 3 lane road, that had been reduced to one lane only and hit every red light. People in giant moving boxes tried to squeeze in front of me defying all laws of physics and Every radio station played only ads. I was conserving the batteries on my laptop for the rest of the trip but Vegas was looking to punish me for daring to leave its' bright lights behind.
Stage Two: The Desert Madness.
When the radio finally runs out of country stations I decide to switch to my laptop for music. It seems that country music is aptly named as I don't hear much of it in the cities but outside of the cities the stations persist much more than any other. But even country music stations must give way to the wasteland that lies between me and my destination.
At some point I realize that my computer is set up so that I hear songs that move my emotions in all directions. I sing along to songs about happiness, sadness, anger, love, loss and Even a few nonsense songs. I've become the greatest lead singer in all the world complete with backup singers. Never mind if I miss a lyric here or there, the car is the number one place to be if you gotta sing.
Stage Three: Madness
The sky darkens as night start to fall arround me and I've used all my emotions up for now. The tendrils of darkness that start to creep around make for a crazy visual and I imagine myself being chased by the shadows. There is only one hope my headlights must drive back that which is trying to get me. Unfortunately the lights of the traffic in the opposite direction make it so I can't in good conscious use my brights. Apparently Vegas is the place to be for giving thanks this year.
I start to feel in a trance and I get some great ideas for stories, like what if the falling stars in the sky are the evidence of earth protecting us from invasion from beings from outer space. Not meteorites at all but the remains of those who would do us harm. I guess that's what comes after watch a movie like "Skyline" and then seeing things fall from the sky.
Stage four: Near Death Experiences
By now the landscape is changing and snow is in evidence all around me. Creatures come out to get away from the snow on the cleared road and 3 rabbits one hawk and a deer all come close to death as my car careens towards them in the night. The snow is patch and at one juncture all the elements of driving come together to give me the most exciting and scary moment of my driving career.
It must be noted that I am a horrible driver. I don't have any major accidents or driving offenses but unlike the rest of the population who figure themselves studs I know that I scare the Bejesus out of any of my passengers and that I'm generally safer on my bicycle than in my car.
Back to my story however there came a patch in the road where the traction changed from good to slick precisely at a turn. A patch of snow the right angle made even going 20 below the posted limit tricky. I managed to do what most teenagers try to pull off in snowy parking lots on the highway I made a doughnut.
When I first felt my car go it turned the opposite direction of the way I tried to steer it. Next to me was a guardrail and my only chance of making it without major damage meant I had to go with the car and not fight it. So within one lane I abruptly turned to the right and watched as my car drifted to a point where the front bumper scraped the guard rail and I went in a complete 360 turn.
There seemed to be no major damage to the vehicle and at that point the car registered a temperature of -14 degrees Fahrenheit. I wasn't leaving my car to inspect the damage. The cold was too much. Lucky for me I had made it to a point where there were no other vehicles nearby for me to crash into. So I continued on my merry way, thinking to myself:
"I am so cool under pressure I didn't even freak out."
Stage Five: Elko
I get to Elko Nevada where the lights treat me to green the whole way home and the streets are clear and rubble free. No traffic to speak of and I arrive safe and sound in the driveway. I get out of my car and see to my dismay that the bumper has some damage to it that has been packed with snow. It is a mark of shame. Nothing major but when you drive around it's hard to show off your car when there's a crack in the front...
Now that I have claimed this story as my own I can enjoy a thanksgiving meal without feeling like I need to tell everyone about my crazy night. Have a good thanksgiving everyone.
I thought I'd let you in on a bit of my trip.
Stage One: Exiting Las Vegas.
At this stage of my trip extreme paranoia sets in. I went down a major 3 lane road, that had been reduced to one lane only and hit every red light. People in giant moving boxes tried to squeeze in front of me defying all laws of physics and Every radio station played only ads. I was conserving the batteries on my laptop for the rest of the trip but Vegas was looking to punish me for daring to leave its' bright lights behind.
Stage Two: The Desert Madness.
When the radio finally runs out of country stations I decide to switch to my laptop for music. It seems that country music is aptly named as I don't hear much of it in the cities but outside of the cities the stations persist much more than any other. But even country music stations must give way to the wasteland that lies between me and my destination.
At some point I realize that my computer is set up so that I hear songs that move my emotions in all directions. I sing along to songs about happiness, sadness, anger, love, loss and Even a few nonsense songs. I've become the greatest lead singer in all the world complete with backup singers. Never mind if I miss a lyric here or there, the car is the number one place to be if you gotta sing.
Stage Three: Madness
The sky darkens as night start to fall arround me and I've used all my emotions up for now. The tendrils of darkness that start to creep around make for a crazy visual and I imagine myself being chased by the shadows. There is only one hope my headlights must drive back that which is trying to get me. Unfortunately the lights of the traffic in the opposite direction make it so I can't in good conscious use my brights. Apparently Vegas is the place to be for giving thanks this year.
I start to feel in a trance and I get some great ideas for stories, like what if the falling stars in the sky are the evidence of earth protecting us from invasion from beings from outer space. Not meteorites at all but the remains of those who would do us harm. I guess that's what comes after watch a movie like "Skyline" and then seeing things fall from the sky.
Stage four: Near Death Experiences
By now the landscape is changing and snow is in evidence all around me. Creatures come out to get away from the snow on the cleared road and 3 rabbits one hawk and a deer all come close to death as my car careens towards them in the night. The snow is patch and at one juncture all the elements of driving come together to give me the most exciting and scary moment of my driving career.
It must be noted that I am a horrible driver. I don't have any major accidents or driving offenses but unlike the rest of the population who figure themselves studs I know that I scare the Bejesus out of any of my passengers and that I'm generally safer on my bicycle than in my car.
Back to my story however there came a patch in the road where the traction changed from good to slick precisely at a turn. A patch of snow the right angle made even going 20 below the posted limit tricky. I managed to do what most teenagers try to pull off in snowy parking lots on the highway I made a doughnut.
When I first felt my car go it turned the opposite direction of the way I tried to steer it. Next to me was a guardrail and my only chance of making it without major damage meant I had to go with the car and not fight it. So within one lane I abruptly turned to the right and watched as my car drifted to a point where the front bumper scraped the guard rail and I went in a complete 360 turn.
There seemed to be no major damage to the vehicle and at that point the car registered a temperature of -14 degrees Fahrenheit. I wasn't leaving my car to inspect the damage. The cold was too much. Lucky for me I had made it to a point where there were no other vehicles nearby for me to crash into. So I continued on my merry way, thinking to myself:
"I am so cool under pressure I didn't even freak out."
Stage Five: Elko
I get to Elko Nevada where the lights treat me to green the whole way home and the streets are clear and rubble free. No traffic to speak of and I arrive safe and sound in the driveway. I get out of my car and see to my dismay that the bumper has some damage to it that has been packed with snow. It is a mark of shame. Nothing major but when you drive around it's hard to show off your car when there's a crack in the front...
Now that I have claimed this story as my own I can enjoy a thanksgiving meal without feeling like I need to tell everyone about my crazy night. Have a good thanksgiving everyone.
Monday, October 11, 2010
The scariest place on earth
Being October I thought I'd hit on the idea of fear. And if you know me then you know that I like to take care of things myself. It's partially not trusting people but partially cause I like to accomplish things and little tasks completed daily make me feel good since big tasks completed monthly annually or other such things take so long and feel so rare.
And then there times in life when you can do nothing about anything and you have to go somewhere else for help. You head to a doctor's office or hospital. These places always give me the creeps and I'll for one say I'm more afraid of a doctor with a stethoscope than a man with a gun.
Even though I know there's real science behind modern medical practices x-rays, chemotherapy, and the myriad of drugs and instruments these institutions seem to demand respect for the people in there just because they work with the stuff I don't have the time or money to study. Almost if they're hiding behind a wall of magic.
And meanwhile every time I see a doctor dentist or medical professional I spend money that I need to be using to be make rent. I can't afford insurance that would cover minor ailments so the places become areas of last resort and only for use of immediate life threatening conditions.
Besides which I always feel that I get blamed for having something bad happen to me anytime that I show up for some type of treatment. If I had only run more been less risky lived differently not crossed that particular street at that particular time I wouldn't be here. So not only am I hurt and looking at risking long term life for short term benefits I'm being blamed for it. Granted there are times when health problems have been my fault like ingrown toenails that have gotten out of hand but still...
And do they always have to be so uncomfortable places to go and wait?
And then there times in life when you can do nothing about anything and you have to go somewhere else for help. You head to a doctor's office or hospital. These places always give me the creeps and I'll for one say I'm more afraid of a doctor with a stethoscope than a man with a gun.
Even though I know there's real science behind modern medical practices x-rays, chemotherapy, and the myriad of drugs and instruments these institutions seem to demand respect for the people in there just because they work with the stuff I don't have the time or money to study. Almost if they're hiding behind a wall of magic.
And meanwhile every time I see a doctor dentist or medical professional I spend money that I need to be using to be make rent. I can't afford insurance that would cover minor ailments so the places become areas of last resort and only for use of immediate life threatening conditions.
Besides which I always feel that I get blamed for having something bad happen to me anytime that I show up for some type of treatment. If I had only run more been less risky lived differently not crossed that particular street at that particular time I wouldn't be here. So not only am I hurt and looking at risking long term life for short term benefits I'm being blamed for it. Granted there are times when health problems have been my fault like ingrown toenails that have gotten out of hand but still...
And do they always have to be so uncomfortable places to go and wait?
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
Changing Pastimes
I have a lot of free time on my hands and have had so for a long while. Our culture has a cure for free time not just one cure but many different cures. Music, television, books and my personal favorite video games to name a few. Recently I've been persuaded to get away from that particular medium.
It's really just because I want to do things that other people can appreciate. I've found that the best feeling that a I can get is positive feedback from other people.
Next to that is the feeling of creating something. It's gratifying to have an object that you have made, or participated the creation of. I've appreciated the work of many people when I've played video games but I'm finding that I just end up spending more time than I originally intended when I pick up the latest title.
So I'm trying to wean myself of the habit slowly. It's not something that a person can easily quit cold turkey. Good games absorb your mind more than anything else I know. Part of the fun of them however is sharing the experience with others and nobody else I'm talking with now is gaming so it's naturally falling away.
For the next couple or so I'll be building a model airplane as I feel like I should be making something but as an art student school takes up most of my creative ideas. Refilling the mind juices on doing something someone else has designed ought to improve my artistic skills and detail orientation.
Part of this the feeling that I seem to always have that a person needs to strive to be improving at all times. I think that our global culture promotes this idea. At least until a person has been recognized as one of the best. Then everything is in it's maintenance.
And now that graduation is near and I'm looking to start off working wherever I can I feel like I need to up my art skills so that I'm more marketable. Having something to work on helps.
I'll sign off asking what it is that you like to do with your free time. Is there something that helps you unwind?
It's really just because I want to do things that other people can appreciate. I've found that the best feeling that a I can get is positive feedback from other people.
Next to that is the feeling of creating something. It's gratifying to have an object that you have made, or participated the creation of. I've appreciated the work of many people when I've played video games but I'm finding that I just end up spending more time than I originally intended when I pick up the latest title.
So I'm trying to wean myself of the habit slowly. It's not something that a person can easily quit cold turkey. Good games absorb your mind more than anything else I know. Part of the fun of them however is sharing the experience with others and nobody else I'm talking with now is gaming so it's naturally falling away.
For the next couple or so I'll be building a model airplane as I feel like I should be making something but as an art student school takes up most of my creative ideas. Refilling the mind juices on doing something someone else has designed ought to improve my artistic skills and detail orientation.
Part of this the feeling that I seem to always have that a person needs to strive to be improving at all times. I think that our global culture promotes this idea. At least until a person has been recognized as one of the best. Then everything is in it's maintenance.
And now that graduation is near and I'm looking to start off working wherever I can I feel like I need to up my art skills so that I'm more marketable. Having something to work on helps.
I'll sign off asking what it is that you like to do with your free time. Is there something that helps you unwind?
Saturday, September 25, 2010
To defend the Constitution
I just listened to the a debate on how to treat terrorists either as enemy combatants or as criminals and one point came up that I thought was excellent. Millitary members vow to support and defend the constitution of the United States. Not to defend the people.
This demonstrates the power and importance of ideas. The point was that we as a people need to hold to our highest ideals because they are what make us great.
On the other hand without the people there are no ideals to hold up. It is important then to realize what our military is meant to defend, the ideas and ideals of a nation. And the role that you need to take in the forming of those ideals. The fact that it takes so long for something to become constitutional is a testament to how important a government and its workings are to us.
I think what I thought was most right is that people are not as important as the institutions they serve and the ideas they carry. It seems to me that the two are inseparable.
This demonstrates the power and importance of ideas. The point was that we as a people need to hold to our highest ideals because they are what make us great.
On the other hand without the people there are no ideals to hold up. It is important then to realize what our military is meant to defend, the ideas and ideals of a nation. And the role that you need to take in the forming of those ideals. The fact that it takes so long for something to become constitutional is a testament to how important a government and its workings are to us.
I think what I thought was most right is that people are not as important as the institutions they serve and the ideas they carry. It seems to me that the two are inseparable.
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
I should just quit information it's a bad drug.
I listened to a this American Life Podcast today about living after one's actions may have caused people's deaths and how people cope. It's good story-telling and within the show talked about how people who suffer from post-traumatic stress isolate themselves and become fearful because they feel that they are at the whim of the universe.
At the same time I think that their are people, even highly capable people who suffer under this notion and haven't experienced any traumatic event except perhaps being isolated. My brain made this connection between death and isolation perhaps because I listened to the audio of the Jonestown suicides and thought of the isolation necessary for people needing to gather like this in the first place and the isolation necessary for this to occur.
I shouldn't have listened to the audio, just as I shouldn't have listened to the audio of the 9/11 emergency phone call but I did. It's been awhile since I heard the former but the latter was the day before my previous post. I did these for a sense of understanding, and perhaps because the internet allowed me to be a rubbernecker without slowing down traffic.
I wouldn't forget these recordings easily, not for their content, but for the sinking feeling that I got when I heard them. Part of human nature wants to analyze bad happenings so that they can be prevented in the future. It seems that part of the nature of the web that we can now be not only passive reviewers such as books and video were before but active reviewers of information and events. This allows for incredible advances in hobbies (just look at some evolution of dance videos) but also creates the ability for a person find content that leaves them incredibly cynical.
In any event I think parts of our national conscience are shaped by the time of year, and by our need to remember things so that we can improve or at least attempt to. But there is a need to move on I think and coming back to the ptsd cases shows this.
Sigh
If only life were simple.
At the same time I think that their are people, even highly capable people who suffer under this notion and haven't experienced any traumatic event except perhaps being isolated. My brain made this connection between death and isolation perhaps because I listened to the audio of the Jonestown suicides and thought of the isolation necessary for people needing to gather like this in the first place and the isolation necessary for this to occur.
I shouldn't have listened to the audio, just as I shouldn't have listened to the audio of the 9/11 emergency phone call but I did. It's been awhile since I heard the former but the latter was the day before my previous post. I did these for a sense of understanding, and perhaps because the internet allowed me to be a rubbernecker without slowing down traffic.
I wouldn't forget these recordings easily, not for their content, but for the sinking feeling that I got when I heard them. Part of human nature wants to analyze bad happenings so that they can be prevented in the future. It seems that part of the nature of the web that we can now be not only passive reviewers such as books and video were before but active reviewers of information and events. This allows for incredible advances in hobbies (just look at some evolution of dance videos) but also creates the ability for a person find content that leaves them incredibly cynical.
In any event I think parts of our national conscience are shaped by the time of year, and by our need to remember things so that we can improve or at least attempt to. But there is a need to move on I think and coming back to the ptsd cases shows this.
Sigh
If only life were simple.
Friday, September 17, 2010
Morals...
Our world is becoming more secular. There are still mega-churches and cathedrals and people proselytizing one religion or another but I tend to think that church is a hard sell in a modern world. Maybe it's always been this way but I wonder how one sells God to someone who sees no reason to believe.
At one point churches sold by threatening those that didn't belong and to a certain extent some still do. But I think that government has put a check on that activity around the world. Once politics became distinct from religion government became the one with the most bite.
Churches exist to fill some need for people, a sense of community, or reassurance that good will happen in the world, etc.
However I don't see that in the future that churches will be a place that people turn to for moral authority. With people in my age group, and at my school I don't know many that attend a service and if they do they are generally Mormon and female. Church doesn't seem to be a guy thing.
So I think that people are turning to government for the function of what is good or bad right or wrong. There seems to me to be two competing moral codes when government is the decider of what is right.
The first is a moral code for optimizing individual powers. Basically whatever an individual does as long as it hurts no one else thus compromising individual rights should be the way to go
The second is a moral code where whatever is best for the group is the way that things should go. Individuals don't matter as much as the collective and we need to optimize for our group.
Nobody holds one or the other exclusively but that seems to me to be the fight in modern society over how we conduct our lives.
At one point churches sold by threatening those that didn't belong and to a certain extent some still do. But I think that government has put a check on that activity around the world. Once politics became distinct from religion government became the one with the most bite.
Churches exist to fill some need for people, a sense of community, or reassurance that good will happen in the world, etc.
However I don't see that in the future that churches will be a place that people turn to for moral authority. With people in my age group, and at my school I don't know many that attend a service and if they do they are generally Mormon and female. Church doesn't seem to be a guy thing.
So I think that people are turning to government for the function of what is good or bad right or wrong. There seems to me to be two competing moral codes when government is the decider of what is right.
The first is a moral code for optimizing individual powers. Basically whatever an individual does as long as it hurts no one else thus compromising individual rights should be the way to go
The second is a moral code where whatever is best for the group is the way that things should go. Individuals don't matter as much as the collective and we need to optimize for our group.
Nobody holds one or the other exclusively but that seems to me to be the fight in modern society over how we conduct our lives.
Monday, September 13, 2010
Tactless
I just listened to something about the tragedy that happened 9 years ago about this time and I thought I'd be tactless.
We need to forget this.
I thought so at the time 9 years ago and apparently I haven't matured but I think that remembering dark events so that we can hunt down people and hate them and worry about our safety for the rest of our lives is insane.
Remembering people for horrible events and refusing or being unable to move past an event in an individual is a sign of mental illness. Sometimes granted we understand why an event lingers in memory such as murder rape or other traumatic events but the solution to the problems is to get people to move past and not linger on their hurt.
To remember tragedy as a nation seems to me and I will be blunt Fucking Retarded. It solves no problems and causes more issues when we try to avenge or redress the hurt as if there can be a fix to it. I believe that except in one case we've gotten the people responsible and If we focused on that then I might be fine. Instead however we continue practices that treat our own people as not trustworthy and cause issues internationally.
I recognize the need for outlet of emotion. But phrases like never forget piss me off. The type of thinking that has to remember all the old wounds and everything that has ever happened is the reason we can't have peace in the middle east. Nobody can be the bigger nation and forgive.
Constructive thought don't start searching for a people to blame and hallowed ground to bar others off of . Heroism remembered is one thing but we don't remember heroism we remember the pain. Forget it.
We need to forget this.
I thought so at the time 9 years ago and apparently I haven't matured but I think that remembering dark events so that we can hunt down people and hate them and worry about our safety for the rest of our lives is insane.
Remembering people for horrible events and refusing or being unable to move past an event in an individual is a sign of mental illness. Sometimes granted we understand why an event lingers in memory such as murder rape or other traumatic events but the solution to the problems is to get people to move past and not linger on their hurt.
To remember tragedy as a nation seems to me and I will be blunt Fucking Retarded. It solves no problems and causes more issues when we try to avenge or redress the hurt as if there can be a fix to it. I believe that except in one case we've gotten the people responsible and If we focused on that then I might be fine. Instead however we continue practices that treat our own people as not trustworthy and cause issues internationally.
I recognize the need for outlet of emotion. But phrases like never forget piss me off. The type of thinking that has to remember all the old wounds and everything that has ever happened is the reason we can't have peace in the middle east. Nobody can be the bigger nation and forgive.
Constructive thought don't start searching for a people to blame and hallowed ground to bar others off of . Heroism remembered is one thing but we don't remember heroism we remember the pain. Forget it.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Thinking about Respect.
For some reason respect has been on my mind lately. It seems that respect isn't something that comes into play very often as a straight forward card to be played. It's a subtle card one that makes even the bad hand a little bit better. I think it's one that we know flows two ways and I think maybe organizations and businesses have lost. It seems they wonder why nobody likes them when they don't show respect. Or at the very least want some without giving the service that gains respect.
In any case I thought I'd share a story about power and respect that I thought might resonate. It begins on the U.S.S Shreveport when I first checked on with Boatswain Brennen. Boatswain is pronounced as Boson is a title that means man who knows how to run a ship. Similarly the Forecastle of a ship is said as Foc'sle Maintenance, repair, rigging and steering admin and other miscellaneous things a Boatswain knows them all. It's not a title you hear often even though every ship has plenty of Boatswain's mates. I'll use B. to refer to the title from now on
B. Brennan had the foulest mouth I've ever heard. The closest you'll get to him was the Drill Sergent from Full metal Jacket. Creative and liberally spraying out Fuck, Cunt, Cock, Shit and every variant on them and combining them in novel way I admired his way with words. Wordsmiths the world over aren't half as entertaining as he was. I think I'll always feel like I do the words a disservice if I don't use them as well as he does.
B. Brennan was a long time member of the navy. He was going on 33 years when I met him and there was no way that anybody was going to gather as much clout as he had without seriously endangering themselves. He knew his job and he kept people safe. On most ships the captain has the most sway on ours B. Brennan did.
It all had to do with his being upfront with how he did business and that he was willing to do the same things that he required of his subordinates. If his crew was going to be up all night he'd be there to make sure things went well. He had enough rank and experience that if he said something couldn't be done you wouldn't doubt it. But he'd make sure that if it could be done it would damn well be done.
Opposite him on our ship was the captain. The man had a strong work ethic but had spent too much time as an officer and didn't think of the enlisted men as people deserving much attention. It wasn't that he didn't know his job or that he was incompetent. He had been a fighter pilot for much of his career and made the choice to move up in rank rather than stay in the pilot's seat which is a hard decision.
But still the captain was using this post to accomplish other things. You can always tell who's serious about what they're doing and who thinks what they are currently doing is just a placeholder for other options. This post for him was a quick step onto carriers and higher rank nothing to worry about just something to ride out.
In the navy there's a tradition of Standing whenever the captain enters a room. And above the flight deck in officer's country we (the deck dept) followed this tradition. However in B. Brennan's area, below the flight deck there was only one person to get that type of respect and that was B. Brennan.
This I don't think would fly in any other branch but sometimes a ship needs to function as a place of truces. When you're in cramped spaces dealing with the same people in and out every day, if there isn't some structure people can get unruly but if there isn't give and take people fight in a serious way. The captain knew this fortunately. By not intruding too much on the space of the ship where we were he made peace with the people who would make him look good.
So while there might have been a pissing contest or two on board between others, these two managed to maintain places of power without resorting (at least not in public) to pure power plays. Our missions were accomplished without incident and we managed to shine a little here and there.
It's important to let people have respect. They perform well when you show it to them . Without it they'll try and sabotage you. It just seems that organizations don't get this and I wonder how to teach them this.
In any case I thought I'd share a story about power and respect that I thought might resonate. It begins on the U.S.S Shreveport when I first checked on with Boatswain Brennen. Boatswain is pronounced as Boson is a title that means man who knows how to run a ship. Similarly the Forecastle of a ship is said as Foc'sle Maintenance, repair, rigging and steering admin and other miscellaneous things a Boatswain knows them all. It's not a title you hear often even though every ship has plenty of Boatswain's mates. I'll use B. to refer to the title from now on
B. Brennan had the foulest mouth I've ever heard. The closest you'll get to him was the Drill Sergent from Full metal Jacket. Creative and liberally spraying out Fuck, Cunt, Cock, Shit and every variant on them and combining them in novel way I admired his way with words. Wordsmiths the world over aren't half as entertaining as he was. I think I'll always feel like I do the words a disservice if I don't use them as well as he does.
B. Brennan was a long time member of the navy. He was going on 33 years when I met him and there was no way that anybody was going to gather as much clout as he had without seriously endangering themselves. He knew his job and he kept people safe. On most ships the captain has the most sway on ours B. Brennan did.
It all had to do with his being upfront with how he did business and that he was willing to do the same things that he required of his subordinates. If his crew was going to be up all night he'd be there to make sure things went well. He had enough rank and experience that if he said something couldn't be done you wouldn't doubt it. But he'd make sure that if it could be done it would damn well be done.
Opposite him on our ship was the captain. The man had a strong work ethic but had spent too much time as an officer and didn't think of the enlisted men as people deserving much attention. It wasn't that he didn't know his job or that he was incompetent. He had been a fighter pilot for much of his career and made the choice to move up in rank rather than stay in the pilot's seat which is a hard decision.
But still the captain was using this post to accomplish other things. You can always tell who's serious about what they're doing and who thinks what they are currently doing is just a placeholder for other options. This post for him was a quick step onto carriers and higher rank nothing to worry about just something to ride out.
In the navy there's a tradition of Standing whenever the captain enters a room. And above the flight deck in officer's country we (the deck dept) followed this tradition. However in B. Brennan's area, below the flight deck there was only one person to get that type of respect and that was B. Brennan.
This I don't think would fly in any other branch but sometimes a ship needs to function as a place of truces. When you're in cramped spaces dealing with the same people in and out every day, if there isn't some structure people can get unruly but if there isn't give and take people fight in a serious way. The captain knew this fortunately. By not intruding too much on the space of the ship where we were he made peace with the people who would make him look good.
So while there might have been a pissing contest or two on board between others, these two managed to maintain places of power without resorting (at least not in public) to pure power plays. Our missions were accomplished without incident and we managed to shine a little here and there.
It's important to let people have respect. They perform well when you show it to them . Without it they'll try and sabotage you. It just seems that organizations don't get this and I wonder how to teach them this.
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Back to School
This week has started the last of the school I have to complete until I go out into the world and try and find my pot of gold. It's been a quick start here as if each class is trying to make every moment count like the famous candle in the wind. I've taken 3 "studio" classes that each last 3 hours a class twice a week plus homework so I'm sure to be busy. My other class tries to act as if it's an internship and lasts 2 hours once a week plus 4 hours of "volunteer" time and homework besides. So even with a light schedule I find that my days are quickly filled with things to do.
In the mean time I wonder about what I should do after all this work is complete. I'd like to go abroad for a year or two it seems I've not yet gotten the travel bug out of me. So the best position would be a job outside the U.S. creating some sort of art so that when I come back, as I would expect to do I could find work in a better economy having gotten to see more of the world.
Or I could go for some higher degree. I wouldn't mind trying for a masters if I could figure out how much time I have left on my GI Bill and whether or not I would be a better artist after all that time.
At the same time I took my cat's cast off this week and since the muscles have atrophied and the cast caused it to lose fur on that leg it's looking mutated right now. I took the cast off myself and it took about 1/2 an hour while I tried to convince a small furry animal that I wasn't trying to eat it while I held a knife in my hand. It's gone back to ignoring me except when it's hungry and I take that as a good sign. I would have taken it to the vet but the bill of $300 to splint the leg left me gun shy for another visit.
In the mean time I wonder about what I should do after all this work is complete. I'd like to go abroad for a year or two it seems I've not yet gotten the travel bug out of me. So the best position would be a job outside the U.S. creating some sort of art so that when I come back, as I would expect to do I could find work in a better economy having gotten to see more of the world.
Or I could go for some higher degree. I wouldn't mind trying for a masters if I could figure out how much time I have left on my GI Bill and whether or not I would be a better artist after all that time.
At the same time I took my cat's cast off this week and since the muscles have atrophied and the cast caused it to lose fur on that leg it's looking mutated right now. I took the cast off myself and it took about 1/2 an hour while I tried to convince a small furry animal that I wasn't trying to eat it while I held a knife in my hand. It's gone back to ignoring me except when it's hungry and I take that as a good sign. I would have taken it to the vet but the bill of $300 to splint the leg left me gun shy for another visit.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Home? Again.
I'm back in Elko Nv, for a while. It's good to get a chance to be with family just long enough to get bored of them and then head back to college. I also get a chance to keep my computer skills from getting rusty, by doing a little configuration work and to break from being self-centered for a while. I tend to think that our best work (that is humanity's best) is done in groups. A person might become the impetus of the work, but groups are the way to go. You just need the right group.
I also think that many of our world problems come because we don't know the right way to phrase the work needed to be done. It's a problem of needing to either work together in a meaningful way or to compete on terms of benefits instead of costs. And the benefits need to be compounding benefits like creating a better product that leads to more sales and research money that then leads to a better product.
I hear that to grow to a better place that ideas need to have sex. You have to air out as many ideas as possible so that one my influence another. May the most fit survive. So my question to others is how do I make my moves so that I can get more each time I make that next move. I dunno just yet but I'm thinking of starting the worlds first socially conscious marketing team to spread good ideas to others and to make money off non-profit organizations. I dare you to beat me to it.
I also think that many of our world problems come because we don't know the right way to phrase the work needed to be done. It's a problem of needing to either work together in a meaningful way or to compete on terms of benefits instead of costs. And the benefits need to be compounding benefits like creating a better product that leads to more sales and research money that then leads to a better product.
I hear that to grow to a better place that ideas need to have sex. You have to air out as many ideas as possible so that one my influence another. May the most fit survive. So my question to others is how do I make my moves so that I can get more each time I make that next move. I dunno just yet but I'm thinking of starting the worlds first socially conscious marketing team to spread good ideas to others and to make money off non-profit organizations. I dare you to beat me to it.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
Neither Necessary nor Sufficient.
I was reading an article on the psychology of friendships how the form and what they mean. Basically it said we find people who reinforce our internal image of ourselves and make them our friends. Beyond the friend mark all that was required was time for people to become "best friends" and to create relationships it's easiest to befriend someone with similar experiences or outlooks.
This made me think about the mental image I have of myself and the friends I keep. Even though I think about my thoughts and feelings all the time I rarely question what image I have of myself in my head or why I want it to be a certain way.
And I came to the realization that I like to be thought of as intelligent. Smart is a similar word but hearing it applied to me doesn't quite convey how I want to be seen. And I know that I like to think of myself as more intelligent than most others. When I meet a person who sees more deeply into subjects, or when I meet people who pick up things faster than I do I try and figure out a way to best them.
It's strange that I feel so competitive around people who are quicker than me. I have a couple of people in mind when I think about the subject. And I hate to admit that their minds are better than mine. It rankles me.
But on the other hand I get bored with many concepts rather quickly. I get computers and systems usually pretty quickly and "mind blowing" concepts aren't. They're interesting. So I figured I needed to challenge myself to the most frustrating thing I could think of.
Art.
Intelligence of a certain kind is needed for it. Watching what catches on and what doesn't always make sense. Music, literature, and other creative works can be really good and still fail. Or they can be horrid and succeed. Talent may necessary for success but it's not not sufficient. And I'm trying to intuit what it is that makes something work and what makes something fail.
I can't.
I'm not sure that knowing would be beneficial but I still try.
This made me think about the mental image I have of myself and the friends I keep. Even though I think about my thoughts and feelings all the time I rarely question what image I have of myself in my head or why I want it to be a certain way.
And I came to the realization that I like to be thought of as intelligent. Smart is a similar word but hearing it applied to me doesn't quite convey how I want to be seen. And I know that I like to think of myself as more intelligent than most others. When I meet a person who sees more deeply into subjects, or when I meet people who pick up things faster than I do I try and figure out a way to best them.
It's strange that I feel so competitive around people who are quicker than me. I have a couple of people in mind when I think about the subject. And I hate to admit that their minds are better than mine. It rankles me.
But on the other hand I get bored with many concepts rather quickly. I get computers and systems usually pretty quickly and "mind blowing" concepts aren't. They're interesting. So I figured I needed to challenge myself to the most frustrating thing I could think of.
Art.
Intelligence of a certain kind is needed for it. Watching what catches on and what doesn't always make sense. Music, literature, and other creative works can be really good and still fail. Or they can be horrid and succeed. Talent may necessary for success but it's not not sufficient. And I'm trying to intuit what it is that makes something work and what makes something fail.
I can't.
I'm not sure that knowing would be beneficial but I still try.
Thursday, August 5, 2010
Ending a hiatus
I started trying to write a post a day for the year but dropped off when it seemed my life wasn't doing anything worth talking about, I mean I had complaints but nobody wants to hear those and I've learned to stop unproductive behavior and focus elsewhere at least some of the time. Anyway school ends tomorrow and I'll be meeting up with an old navy buddy of mine afterwards.
We'll compare lives and decisions, I got out went to school and am almost finished he stayed in gained rank and is stationed in on the east coast. A little bit of catch up and then he'll head back to his home and I'll start off to Arizona to visit some family and friends in the area.
I think that spending time with other people is great but at the same time I don't do parties. I never really had them as a kid. As a teenager babysitting duties, and my fairly Dudley-Do-Right nature kept me from being invited to anything major, so when I go to a party or similar event I feel lost.
I went to an opening for one of my former professor's art tonight and the feel is very similar to a party. I listened to her talk about her work and then the mingling began. I feel I need a human totem for such occasions as I don't do small talk very well when I'm surrounded by even tens of people. So a friend is a good thing to have when I'm at one of these things since I'm so used to structured activities that open events are uncomfortable at best for me.
Which is strange because I love public speaking and performance work. Anyway I work best one to one. One me one you, one me one crowd. Hopefully this ends my blogging dry spell.
We'll compare lives and decisions, I got out went to school and am almost finished he stayed in gained rank and is stationed in on the east coast. A little bit of catch up and then he'll head back to his home and I'll start off to Arizona to visit some family and friends in the area.
I think that spending time with other people is great but at the same time I don't do parties. I never really had them as a kid. As a teenager babysitting duties, and my fairly Dudley-Do-Right nature kept me from being invited to anything major, so when I go to a party or similar event I feel lost.
I went to an opening for one of my former professor's art tonight and the feel is very similar to a party. I listened to her talk about her work and then the mingling began. I feel I need a human totem for such occasions as I don't do small talk very well when I'm surrounded by even tens of people. So a friend is a good thing to have when I'm at one of these things since I'm so used to structured activities that open events are uncomfortable at best for me.
Which is strange because I love public speaking and performance work. Anyway I work best one to one. One me one you, one me one crowd. Hopefully this ends my blogging dry spell.
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Building a better now
It seems that my entire life everything has been preparation work for some sort of unknown future. All of it some sort of schooling, or work towards a place where I have the skills I need to do something else something grander. I think everyone feels like this like we work hard to be at some other place than where we are now. Or at least that's what society tells us. Then after all that time, we are dropped. So much build up so much work towards a goal, and then we drop.
It feels like we are seeds falling from one of those trees with the helicopter leaves. We make ourselves to head out as far as we can, then we let go and see where the wind takes us.
But the time comes and we hit the ground and I'm thinking that part of building a better tomorrow is to be a better now. It's not a stop and smell the roses thing. I don't think that it's about always enjoying what's around us (sometimes the flowers are brambles) but rather to work as if right now is really here rather than a starting point to somewhere else. It may be that but things like cleaning up at home make things better for now and the future. I just think that part of our work should be making now a better time and let the future surprise us at least a little.
It feels like we are seeds falling from one of those trees with the helicopter leaves. We make ourselves to head out as far as we can, then we let go and see where the wind takes us.
But the time comes and we hit the ground and I'm thinking that part of building a better tomorrow is to be a better now. It's not a stop and smell the roses thing. I don't think that it's about always enjoying what's around us (sometimes the flowers are brambles) but rather to work as if right now is really here rather than a starting point to somewhere else. It may be that but things like cleaning up at home make things better for now and the future. I just think that part of our work should be making now a better time and let the future surprise us at least a little.
Sunday, July 25, 2010
A big fear.
So I read about the second most scary condition I've ever heard about and I promptly tried to forget about it. Locked-in syndrome, where you are stuck in your own body but can't move or communicate with anything except maybe your eyes. The only reason I bring this up is I saw the movie Inception it made me think of all the things associated with dreams. And one thing I thought about is a moment that I've felt only 2 or 3 times in my life.
It's a moment between waking and dreams where your body is frozen your arms can't move, nor your legs, even when you tell them MOVE, it's as though they were covered in lead. The moment might only be a minute, but it feels like forever. The weight of your bed tells you that you are not dead but you can't move. Absolute terror.
You come back to life, to feeling and moving and it's 3 am in the morning and you feel tired as all hell but damned if you'll sleep again tonight. It's just too much.
The first worse problem I can't really say, not because I don't know, but it changes from day to day and from hour to hour. But always at number two is being trapped unable to do a thing.
It's a moment between waking and dreams where your body is frozen your arms can't move, nor your legs, even when you tell them MOVE, it's as though they were covered in lead. The moment might only be a minute, but it feels like forever. The weight of your bed tells you that you are not dead but you can't move. Absolute terror.
You come back to life, to feeling and moving and it's 3 am in the morning and you feel tired as all hell but damned if you'll sleep again tonight. It's just too much.
The first worse problem I can't really say, not because I don't know, but it changes from day to day and from hour to hour. But always at number two is being trapped unable to do a thing.
Saturday, July 24, 2010
The walls are bleeding.
So I'm working at the Marjorie Barrick museum right now for my class and we are making a thing of twine and staples. I'll post pics when it is done. The way that it's made there are shadows on the wall that make interesting patterns. So my teacher decided that duplicating the effect with a drawing on another wall would be a great idea.
This he left up to me and another student and we set about making some pattern on the wall using a chalk-line filled with red chalk to create the effect. If you have ever had a cat scratch yourself and seen the after-effect the color is the same and since we only did it in lines to me it looks like the beginning of a b-movie special effect. The walls want to bleed. I didn't start it out to look like that but right now it's pretty cool.
It makes me think about what other things might look good in a dose of b-movie horror effect.
This he left up to me and another student and we set about making some pattern on the wall using a chalk-line filled with red chalk to create the effect. If you have ever had a cat scratch yourself and seen the after-effect the color is the same and since we only did it in lines to me it looks like the beginning of a b-movie special effect. The walls want to bleed. I didn't start it out to look like that but right now it's pretty cool.
It makes me think about what other things might look good in a dose of b-movie horror effect.
Friday, July 23, 2010
A warning for females wearing pants.
So here's the thing. I'm constantly in a place where people are active. At least right now. Artists seem to have an the problem of being attracted to shiny objects and getting interested in the weirdest things. And we are always trying to put things where they don't belong. So anyway people are moving about in random ways around me.
Which brings me to the point whenever a girl wears pants and bends down in to pick something up you know that almost fetal position bend to get close to the ground. Any time that happens there seems to be a design flaw in the pants and people's underwear show. Guys wear baggy clothes most of the time so I'm safe from their cracks.
However since most girls wear tight clothes I often get a view of their underwear. I'm not sure that people know this. I'll grant you I enjoy it but I feel bad that they don't seem to know it's happening. I'm just letting people know so that way I can enjoy the view having let people know that this happens.
Laterz.
Which brings me to the point whenever a girl wears pants and bends down in to pick something up you know that almost fetal position bend to get close to the ground. Any time that happens there seems to be a design flaw in the pants and people's underwear show. Guys wear baggy clothes most of the time so I'm safe from their cracks.
However since most girls wear tight clothes I often get a view of their underwear. I'm not sure that people know this. I'll grant you I enjoy it but I feel bad that they don't seem to know it's happening. I'm just letting people know so that way I can enjoy the view having let people know that this happens.
Laterz.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Money
I don't understand why I should fear deflation. http://finance.yahoo.com/news/4-Reasons-To-Fear-usnews-2745725653.html?x=0 I have never understood why growth should continue indefinitely especially in a world like ours with limited resources. We've been in a growing economy for so long that I'm surprised that we haven't had a period of deflation long before.
Granted the article talks about deflation leading to unemployment. I'd like a job for sure but maybe since more and more people have no jobs and we can't find a thing for them to do that the unemployment means things must become cheaper so that people can afford them again.
The other thing the article says is that under normal conditions that debt becomes less over time in a normal economy while in a deflationary economy it grows. I call bull on that. Especially on interest rates that grow verses the inflation rate debt nearly always grows faster than inflation and when people have increased incentive not to fall into debt which I believe is a good trend then I can't think that deflation, at least deflation that reflects how the economy really is rather than where we think it ought to be is bad.
Granted the article talks about deflation leading to unemployment. I'd like a job for sure but maybe since more and more people have no jobs and we can't find a thing for them to do that the unemployment means things must become cheaper so that people can afford them again.
The other thing the article says is that under normal conditions that debt becomes less over time in a normal economy while in a deflationary economy it grows. I call bull on that. Especially on interest rates that grow verses the inflation rate debt nearly always grows faster than inflation and when people have increased incentive not to fall into debt which I believe is a good trend then I can't think that deflation, at least deflation that reflects how the economy really is rather than where we think it ought to be is bad.
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Group projects never go well
I think that my professor is in the business of making things difficult. With his constant interference in our group project nothing is getting done. If someone has an idea he seems to make sure that everyone disagrees on it. If everyone likes it he shoots it down. Groups are hard enough to handle without an outside "observer" who grades you and acts as if he doesn't understand the simplest drawings and concepts. Today is the middle of week three and he acts like we haven't done enough to work on our project when every step of the way he's alternately told us to do a project on our own, work together, take a week to look at the area we are working in, and baffling ability to change his mind ever 30 minutes I'm surprised anything gets done at all.
In the meantime we have group members who act helpful but aren't, and a another video project to work on that we have yet to begin.
When the group dynamic is constantly being destroyed by it's leader it's doomed to fail. In any case I've got until Aug 6 with this class. After which new and more interesting hurdles will have to be faced.
In the meantime we have group members who act helpful but aren't, and a another video project to work on that we have yet to begin.
When the group dynamic is constantly being destroyed by it's leader it's doomed to fail. In any case I've got until Aug 6 with this class. After which new and more interesting hurdles will have to be faced.
Saturday, July 17, 2010
Cat people are crazy and I'm one of them so don't read this cat post.
So sometimes I figure that I should write what I know and since nobody ever has ideas for what I should talk about my ideas run along the lines of a day in the life of my cat. So here goes...
8:00 am:
Hungry, so very hungry... I wonder if I can wake the giant gently so it won't throw me against the wall and will get me some of that fooooood...
"Hey! You give me some chow!"
Bastard won't wake up and I"m bored maybe I'll stop his breathing holes that'll get em.
"Ahhh! That got him run!"
8:30 am
The giant has such wierd habits going in that room of wet wet torture. Why anyone would want to go in... there's a bug gotta chase it and show it who's boss of this place Me!
9:00 am
The giant's going back to sleep and locking me out! What diabolical things is he planning? I'll let him know I'm on to him.
Run! The giant is angry at me for no good reason I'm a good cat why's the giant so evil?
Noon
There he goes again giving himself the good food and giving me the crap! I've got to get the good stuff.
"Hey gimme that."
Wait a minute this stuff is all green where's the meat?!
Afternoon
House all to myself I'm gonna have a nap
6:00 pm
Giant's back let's see if I can get in good with him before I must fight the invisible goblins. He could be a great ally in the war.
7:00 pm
Goblins everywhere must run, fight jump and claw before my home is taken
8:00 pm
My poop is magic it disappears every night around this time. Maybe if I can poop now I can figure out where it all goes
8:15 pm
No clue where it all went but I'll find out eventually. I'm so awesome
Rest of night
Why does the giant always stare at the glowing rectangles they're so boring. Not like this lovely bit of string I've got. Oh string how I wish you'd move like you sometimes do I want to play tag.
Bed
fin
Spouting words every night for a year seems like a long goal right now.
8:00 am:
Hungry, so very hungry... I wonder if I can wake the giant gently so it won't throw me against the wall and will get me some of that fooooood...
"Hey! You give me some chow!"
Bastard won't wake up and I"m bored maybe I'll stop his breathing holes that'll get em.
"Ahhh! That got him run!"
8:30 am
The giant has such wierd habits going in that room of wet wet torture. Why anyone would want to go in... there's a bug gotta chase it and show it who's boss of this place Me!
9:00 am
The giant's going back to sleep and locking me out! What diabolical things is he planning? I'll let him know I'm on to him.
Run! The giant is angry at me for no good reason I'm a good cat why's the giant so evil?
Noon
There he goes again giving himself the good food and giving me the crap! I've got to get the good stuff.
"Hey gimme that."
Wait a minute this stuff is all green where's the meat?!
Afternoon
House all to myself I'm gonna have a nap
6:00 pm
Giant's back let's see if I can get in good with him before I must fight the invisible goblins. He could be a great ally in the war.
7:00 pm
Goblins everywhere must run, fight jump and claw before my home is taken
8:00 pm
My poop is magic it disappears every night around this time. Maybe if I can poop now I can figure out where it all goes
8:15 pm
No clue where it all went but I'll find out eventually. I'm so awesome
Rest of night
Why does the giant always stare at the glowing rectangles they're so boring. Not like this lovely bit of string I've got. Oh string how I wish you'd move like you sometimes do I want to play tag.
Bed
fin
Spouting words every night for a year seems like a long goal right now.
Friday, July 16, 2010
Waking up is hard to do.
It was above 110 degrees Fahrenheit today. That's the kind of temperature that makes walking outside my air conditioned apartment stifling. And even thought I've got some temperature control it's easy to say that I'll be uncomfortable all day. Especially if I wake up and I'm sweating. Ugh.
Now as you may or may not know I have one class right now and the class isn't teaching me anything particularly important other than people can talk and talk all day about how helpful they're going to be and in the end turn out to be instead a pain in the ass. But I knew that already so I'm guaranteed not to want to go out but had to anyway.
In the meantime I also know that everything is expensive, I have no job and the gi-bill isn't enough to cover school and social life. Although I know that financial aid is one way to get through college getting that seems to be a series of jumping through as many hoops as one can especially if you're not from a poor family or you're a white man. Which might lead a person such as myself to start a "good ol boy" network that makes people hate white guys even more.
Anyway this is really just a rant to say that I can't wait to graduate and find myself a fulfilling job. I'm tired of being broke spending money on a piece of paper to prove that I can learn.
Now as you may or may not know I have one class right now and the class isn't teaching me anything particularly important other than people can talk and talk all day about how helpful they're going to be and in the end turn out to be instead a pain in the ass. But I knew that already so I'm guaranteed not to want to go out but had to anyway.
In the meantime I also know that everything is expensive, I have no job and the gi-bill isn't enough to cover school and social life. Although I know that financial aid is one way to get through college getting that seems to be a series of jumping through as many hoops as one can especially if you're not from a poor family or you're a white man. Which might lead a person such as myself to start a "good ol boy" network that makes people hate white guys even more.
Anyway this is really just a rant to say that I can't wait to graduate and find myself a fulfilling job. I'm tired of being broke spending money on a piece of paper to prove that I can learn.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Time lapse blogography
Since I write my blog posts on a site other than Facebook, there's a gap between what I write about and what most people see. This has the interesting effect of aging my words so that when I see them next or more particularly when I hear people's reactions to them I'll have forgotten what I've written about and can revisit the subject.
In any case the lag isn't so bad that what I write about isn't still relevant and many times the time between allows for people to get some perspective on news items. But the issues that people like to comment on the most are the ones where you reveal a nitty gritty little item about yourself, like the number of Johny Cash songs you have on Itunes (21) despite not enjoying country music very much. I've also got a soft spot for girls who sing along with pianos.
In any case the lag isn't so bad that what I write about isn't still relevant and many times the time between allows for people to get some perspective on news items. But the issues that people like to comment on the most are the ones where you reveal a nitty gritty little item about yourself, like the number of Johny Cash songs you have on Itunes (21) despite not enjoying country music very much. I've also got a soft spot for girls who sing along with pianos.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Keeping busy
I am starting a new project today, papercraft the art of making models out of paper. Here's an example of something similiar to what I want do do. http://paperkraft.blogspot.com/2010/07/siren-v-neptune-papercraft-five-star.html
Other than that I have nothing new to say today.
Other than that I have nothing new to say today.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Teachers
I have a love hate relationship with teachers. It's a problem of dominance and sub-ordinance It seems that teachers always have way to much power compared to how much I can influence my grades and in turn my life.
It's the problem of an imbaance of power it seems that teachers have no vested interest in keeping me healthy or successful and I have no care as to whether or not they keep their jobs.
In any case we can't care about each other without sacrificing our own general welfare. I've always been in favor of mentor-ships where both teacher and student care about the outcome of the class or experience but it seems that lately the drive to make both teacher and student a part of the outcome of the class is gone. No longer does the teacher want their student to succeed but merely to move on. This I think is the problem; too many people depending on the work of one, without taking responsibility for their actions. It seems a system destined for failure. I think the answer is more mentors and more teachers so that we can make sure that our progeny have our full attention and we care how they respond to life.
Without that I fear that our problems will only get worse until we learn to work together to improve our situation.
It's the problem of an imbaance of power it seems that teachers have no vested interest in keeping me healthy or successful and I have no care as to whether or not they keep their jobs.
In any case we can't care about each other without sacrificing our own general welfare. I've always been in favor of mentor-ships where both teacher and student care about the outcome of the class or experience but it seems that lately the drive to make both teacher and student a part of the outcome of the class is gone. No longer does the teacher want their student to succeed but merely to move on. This I think is the problem; too many people depending on the work of one, without taking responsibility for their actions. It seems a system destined for failure. I think the answer is more mentors and more teachers so that we can make sure that our progeny have our full attention and we care how they respond to life.
Without that I fear that our problems will only get worse until we learn to work together to improve our situation.
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Quality time with people.
I think the hardest thing to do in today's world is spend time with other people. I don't mean interact and see people that's easy. I mean to get down and know people it's hard. I say this because I have more time than most people can possibly dream of 3hrs a day max at school and that's it.
However with the other 21 hours in a day I don't find that I'm meeting and working with other people. It seems that even with so many people unemployed, and more people than ever walking the streets that trying to gain a bit of someone's time is the hardest thing in the world to do.
My guess is that we've made it so we travel farther and do more complex things daily than we used to and our mental capacity is just filled up. Sure I get on the cell phone and call people and interact via Facebook and my blog but it seems that everything requires money to do and I don't have it and neither does anyone else.
So lets hear it for deflation. Maybe if things cost less, we could stop worrying about trying to keep up. People have wanted raises and increased minimum wages for a long time but all these things do is make people keep turning on the hamster wheel of work and then nobody has time to sit down and chat.
Except me. And every time I call someone it feels like I'm interrupting important business. So people calm the hell down and lets have coffee.
However with the other 21 hours in a day I don't find that I'm meeting and working with other people. It seems that even with so many people unemployed, and more people than ever walking the streets that trying to gain a bit of someone's time is the hardest thing in the world to do.
My guess is that we've made it so we travel farther and do more complex things daily than we used to and our mental capacity is just filled up. Sure I get on the cell phone and call people and interact via Facebook and my blog but it seems that everything requires money to do and I don't have it and neither does anyone else.
So lets hear it for deflation. Maybe if things cost less, we could stop worrying about trying to keep up. People have wanted raises and increased minimum wages for a long time but all these things do is make people keep turning on the hamster wheel of work and then nobody has time to sit down and chat.
Except me. And every time I call someone it feels like I'm interrupting important business. So people calm the hell down and lets have coffee.
Friday, July 9, 2010
A new post
It's hard to decide what to talk about when your mind is a million different places at once. But I thought I'd talk about a debate I recently listened to. It was about the morality of paying for sex.
The old joke is that you always pay for sex, and I think that's true, however the debate centered on the issue of prostitution. This is a dry post so I'd skip it if I were you.
At one point a speaker asked the question "If prostitution can be a fulfilling role for a person why aren't more men being pimped out? Don't you think they're missing out?"
While I usually don't answer rhetorical questions, especially to people who aren't near, this one provoked some thought in me. There are some areas where a man can be rented but they aren't nearly as prevalent as places to get women.
I think it might just be a problem of supply and demand. Basically there are more men who want sex than there are females to provide it. The world population ratio is evidence for that. http://www.geohive.com/earth/pop_gender.aspx There must then be greater supply of men than women demand.
However even in areas where this isn't as true say in the United States there is a historical case for having multiple females to one male whereas there aren't as many cases of multiple males to a single female with the exception of the sex industry. Men have been seen as providers (this is changing) women haven't historically had as much in liquid assets to afford the services of male sex workers.
There is also the problem of societal roles males have been taught to engage in seeking behavior whilst women aren't pushed to do the same. So we have social stigma against the receiving male and the dominant female.
In any case these factors lead me to believe that the market just can't support male sex workers and that the shear demand for sex keeps the institution alive when it comes to females.
However in the interest of Science I'll say in this post for anybody who wishes to prove me wrong that I know plenty of guys who'll go for this.
The old joke is that you always pay for sex, and I think that's true, however the debate centered on the issue of prostitution. This is a dry post so I'd skip it if I were you.
At one point a speaker asked the question "If prostitution can be a fulfilling role for a person why aren't more men being pimped out? Don't you think they're missing out?"
While I usually don't answer rhetorical questions, especially to people who aren't near, this one provoked some thought in me. There are some areas where a man can be rented but they aren't nearly as prevalent as places to get women.
I think it might just be a problem of supply and demand. Basically there are more men who want sex than there are females to provide it. The world population ratio is evidence for that. http://www.geohive.com/earth/pop_gender.aspx There must then be greater supply of men than women demand.
However even in areas where this isn't as true say in the United States there is a historical case for having multiple females to one male whereas there aren't as many cases of multiple males to a single female with the exception of the sex industry. Men have been seen as providers (this is changing) women haven't historically had as much in liquid assets to afford the services of male sex workers.
There is also the problem of societal roles males have been taught to engage in seeking behavior whilst women aren't pushed to do the same. So we have social stigma against the receiving male and the dominant female.
In any case these factors lead me to believe that the market just can't support male sex workers and that the shear demand for sex keeps the institution alive when it comes to females.
However in the interest of Science I'll say in this post for anybody who wishes to prove me wrong that I know plenty of guys who'll go for this.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
The problem with losing weight
I've been trying for some time now to lose the some of the excess weight from my body. It's hard as hell. And one thought keeps coming to my mind losing weight isn't as simple as taking off a pound here or there, since a person eats and drinks grows hair and loses it or may have less fat and more muscle.
The act of losing 10lbs isn't losing a only 10 lbs it's losing 2-3 lbs a day for a month after gaining 1.5-2.5lbs eating. At least if you want to keep off the weight.
Also every human activity we engage in requires some sort of building of trust and one of the fastest ways to do that is to eat with another person. Just think of dates. Coffee dates, dinner dates, to get to know someone well we eat with them. It's a matter of trust.
The act of losing 10lbs isn't losing a only 10 lbs it's losing 2-3 lbs a day for a month after gaining 1.5-2.5lbs eating. At least if you want to keep off the weight.
Also every human activity we engage in requires some sort of building of trust and one of the fastest ways to do that is to eat with another person. Just think of dates. Coffee dates, dinner dates, to get to know someone well we eat with them. It's a matter of trust.
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
One Year of Blogging. The Challenge.
Sometimes I take people's joking suggestions seriously and I haven't regretted it yet. Though I may yet. Anyway the suggestion was that I write a blog post a day for a year. I'm going for it.
I'd like to make a comment today about knowing what it is you are doing, and why. It seems to me that many things happen because people don't know what they are supposed to do. That's fine I like being surprised. I think that finding yourself is a great thing. Looking for work, creating new art, and peanut-butter mixed with chocolate have all come from somebody who didn't quite know what they were doing at first.
But there are sometimes when you know what you're supposed to do and you just don't do it. I think this is happening in many safety checks around the world as well as some industry. I'm just going to focus on one: gaming.
The goal is to create games that people will buy, I know this but I think creating new ideas is more important. When people get on video games for being violent I think that's a stretch but there are at least 4 Call of Duty's and Grand Theft Auto games out there. They're violent but more to the point they've got no point to the violence other than following some formula.
After a while when everyone is copying everyone else things get stale and not exciting. So I think that game companies know they need to do something new. Which is why they're making more motion control and 3d technology. But the idea needs to be good. Maybe a game where you actually learn guitar instead of faking it would be a good idea. Or if that seems too hard to impliment, Piano, we already have keyboards and they can correspond to controls without too much work. Or better a game that teaches a person to draw, or animate things.
I think that we have lots of untapped ideas that want to get out. Maybe the tech is too expensive just yet but I have hope that we can get it cost effective and maybe revitalize my favorite pastime.
Especially now that games can teach me how to dance.
I'd like to make a comment today about knowing what it is you are doing, and why. It seems to me that many things happen because people don't know what they are supposed to do. That's fine I like being surprised. I think that finding yourself is a great thing. Looking for work, creating new art, and peanut-butter mixed with chocolate have all come from somebody who didn't quite know what they were doing at first.
But there are sometimes when you know what you're supposed to do and you just don't do it. I think this is happening in many safety checks around the world as well as some industry. I'm just going to focus on one: gaming.
The goal is to create games that people will buy, I know this but I think creating new ideas is more important. When people get on video games for being violent I think that's a stretch but there are at least 4 Call of Duty's and Grand Theft Auto games out there. They're violent but more to the point they've got no point to the violence other than following some formula.
After a while when everyone is copying everyone else things get stale and not exciting. So I think that game companies know they need to do something new. Which is why they're making more motion control and 3d technology. But the idea needs to be good. Maybe a game where you actually learn guitar instead of faking it would be a good idea. Or if that seems too hard to impliment, Piano, we already have keyboards and they can correspond to controls without too much work. Or better a game that teaches a person to draw, or animate things.
I think that we have lots of untapped ideas that want to get out. Maybe the tech is too expensive just yet but I have hope that we can get it cost effective and maybe revitalize my favorite pastime.
Especially now that games can teach me how to dance.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Another Ted Talk
If there's one thing in life I like it's people who work to make a difference in understanding our world and who try and use that understanding to create a better world. As such one of the things I've enjoyed most over the past two years has been the videos maintained for The Technology Entertainment and Design conference or TED. Although some of the things in it are frivolous the inventive spark and willingness to improve our world is one of the most inspiring things I've ever seen.
As a person I often feel that my duty to myself and my world is constant striving for improvement. Part of that duty includes letting others know what is available and informing myself. I figure that reciprocation is the key to these relationships. If I put enough of this type of thing out there and try to do things that improve the community a continual small return that grows will eventually outpace my efforts and the world itself (at least for humanity) will be improved.
Oh and I like the space program. Lets get more of that working.
Here's the talk:
Clay Shirky: How cognitive surplus will change the world | Video on TED.com
As a person I often feel that my duty to myself and my world is constant striving for improvement. Part of that duty includes letting others know what is available and informing myself. I figure that reciprocation is the key to these relationships. If I put enough of this type of thing out there and try to do things that improve the community a continual small return that grows will eventually outpace my efforts and the world itself (at least for humanity) will be improved.
Oh and I like the space program. Lets get more of that working.
Here's the talk:
Clay Shirky: How cognitive surplus will change the world | Video on TED.com
Friday, June 18, 2010
A case for euthanasia.
I bring this up only because there is a elderly woman on campus who sets off my "danger sense" whenever I'm near her. She's been attending the school as a student for some time now as an art major, or at least she's enrolled in classes as an evaluator, I'm not sure the circumstances. Suffice it to say I don't know why she's in the college and I wish she weren't.
This particular woman has mood swings, I'd say bi-polar but really I'm thinking crazy. One day nice old woman with a cart that's always with her, next day hissing viper. I've even been warned by one instructor to avoid contact with the old lady as she's not stable. Physically I don't think she's scary but it's the fact that I couldn't easily deal with her if she flipped, that makes me uncomfortable. I mean you can't just punch someone that's mean.
Anyway I'd say she's lonely but she treats everyone like shit. Except the pigeons. Still I can't say that's a redeeming quality.
Thinking about her made me think of Terry Pratchett and how he feels about his Alzheimer's disease. I'd hate to get to a point where people only have to glance at me to see that something's wrong, and that everyone would be powerless to do anything about it.
Before writing this post I had to look up the infamous Dr. Kevorkian and see exactly what that man is about. I've only ever heard his name as associated with evil and I think that when a person gets that kind of reputation in controversy you need to know more about the situation.
He claimed to have helped 130 patients and was convicted on a video of his assisting a patient with als to kill himself. I've heard it said that suicide is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit but when a person can't move their limbs, or is in constant pain with no relief other than to lose their ability to think, I'm not convinced that that state something that we should inflict on them.
The scariest thing to me is to "lose my mind" and no longer be me. It seems to me to be a type of living death or worse that someone has stolen my identity to destroy the memory of me. This is an area in which I think careful consideration must be taken in every case but the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness surely include the rights of choosing how to die (part of life) and how to live your life(liberty) and if a person is trying to end pain and misery (happiness) then I think that our country ought to support people in these hard situations instead of ostracizing them.
None of which helps me when I think of the crazy old lady. She'll live on just to spite people like me.
This particular woman has mood swings, I'd say bi-polar but really I'm thinking crazy. One day nice old woman with a cart that's always with her, next day hissing viper. I've even been warned by one instructor to avoid contact with the old lady as she's not stable. Physically I don't think she's scary but it's the fact that I couldn't easily deal with her if she flipped, that makes me uncomfortable. I mean you can't just punch someone that's mean.
Anyway I'd say she's lonely but she treats everyone like shit. Except the pigeons. Still I can't say that's a redeeming quality.
Thinking about her made me think of Terry Pratchett and how he feels about his Alzheimer's disease. I'd hate to get to a point where people only have to glance at me to see that something's wrong, and that everyone would be powerless to do anything about it.
Before writing this post I had to look up the infamous Dr. Kevorkian and see exactly what that man is about. I've only ever heard his name as associated with evil and I think that when a person gets that kind of reputation in controversy you need to know more about the situation.
He claimed to have helped 130 patients and was convicted on a video of his assisting a patient with als to kill himself. I've heard it said that suicide is one of the most selfish acts a person can commit but when a person can't move their limbs, or is in constant pain with no relief other than to lose their ability to think, I'm not convinced that that state something that we should inflict on them.
The scariest thing to me is to "lose my mind" and no longer be me. It seems to me to be a type of living death or worse that someone has stolen my identity to destroy the memory of me. This is an area in which I think careful consideration must be taken in every case but the rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness surely include the rights of choosing how to die (part of life) and how to live your life(liberty) and if a person is trying to end pain and misery (happiness) then I think that our country ought to support people in these hard situations instead of ostracizing them.
None of which helps me when I think of the crazy old lady. She'll live on just to spite people like me.
Friday, June 11, 2010
Why presentation is everything.
So tonight was a bit off the beaten path in thought processes for me. First I went to my old apartment to check the mail. Since I'm not sure quite how many people I still need to notify about my change in address. Anyway the story starts when I reach the door outside the old building.
There was a woman and child in the foyer of where a person goes to check the mail. The door is locked so that only residents can enter the building with keys from management. As I was walking up this lady kindly opens the door for me, as I'm walking my bike in. I go to check the mail and she then approaches me and asks me in a sweet little voice.
"Do you smoke weed?"
Now this has caught me quite off guard since for the first time in my life I am now being approached by a drug dealer. I shouldn't be surprised when this happens since I'm now an art student with long hair and I often forget to shave. I'm looking kinda hippy right now.
Needless to say I wasn't prepared for this and my brain caused me to double take. At first I wondered if she was asking me for some, and I my immediate reaction was nope I don't have any. I've never had any, I've just never sought it out and that's the type of thing that usually requires some hunting before you get it.
Anyway she corrected me and showed me a bag of what I assume was weed, and told me I could have it for some price that included $5 it might have been 5 45 25 or any such but speaking as soft as she did I wasn't quite sure I had the right number. It was a small bag but from what I hear which isn't much the price seemed low maybe? I couldn't tell.
My wallet was in my back pocket and at this point seeing the woman's child I felt really charitable. But for some reason my hands pulled the I can't find my wallet even though it's right next to my butt. Not that I could have bought anything. I'm a student, it's nearly always empty.
So anyway she left telling me an apartment I could go to if I wanted to pick some up. Now here's the part where time and presentation change. I go sort my mail and find I infact have money in my wallet as I'm planning on seeing the Hoover Dam this weekend and I figured I should have money to buy a ticket when I get there. But the woman and child have me feeling like I could be a savior so I head to the named apartment.
I have in my head an idea that she's a single mom who's selling marijuana to support her kid while trying to make it in the big city. (I'm a sucker for a good sob story) And here's a guy who can help her by making a small donation to this worthy cause.
But as I walk down the hallway towards the door numbered W336 I hear two things that stop me cold in my tracks.
1. Loud music. I lived in a place where people couldn't resist playing loud music at the worst times of day. 8am -3am you could have your ears accosted at any time from somebody who didn't realize that other people didn't want to hear your sh*t at any time let alone 10 at night when finals are tomorrow and someone need to study.
2. The deal breaker: a loud angry man voice, this shatters my first illusion, that I might help out a single quiet mom who's got a poor kid to care for. Next when the loud man voice stops I hear a loud woman voice. Suddenly if I want to get myself narcotics which I'm not used to in the first place, I have to enter in on a fight between two people who sound like they're arguing about money, work, and other life details that frankly I deal with without fighting people over.
I'll grant you here that I'm a coward. I could deal with a woman who posed no threat, but I wasn't ready to deal with 2 people in a bad mood.
I like hero. I don't like nosy neighbor who complains about the music and enters when others are talking(or shouting) serious matters. I tiptoe away hoping that one day I can be a knight in shining armor (who gets the gold of course) to someone who doesn't go from madam to monster in 10 minutes.
There was a woman and child in the foyer of where a person goes to check the mail. The door is locked so that only residents can enter the building with keys from management. As I was walking up this lady kindly opens the door for me, as I'm walking my bike in. I go to check the mail and she then approaches me and asks me in a sweet little voice.
"Do you smoke weed?"
Now this has caught me quite off guard since for the first time in my life I am now being approached by a drug dealer. I shouldn't be surprised when this happens since I'm now an art student with long hair and I often forget to shave. I'm looking kinda hippy right now.
Needless to say I wasn't prepared for this and my brain caused me to double take. At first I wondered if she was asking me for some, and I my immediate reaction was nope I don't have any. I've never had any, I've just never sought it out and that's the type of thing that usually requires some hunting before you get it.
Anyway she corrected me and showed me a bag of what I assume was weed, and told me I could have it for some price that included $5 it might have been 5 45 25 or any such but speaking as soft as she did I wasn't quite sure I had the right number. It was a small bag but from what I hear which isn't much the price seemed low maybe? I couldn't tell.
My wallet was in my back pocket and at this point seeing the woman's child I felt really charitable. But for some reason my hands pulled the I can't find my wallet even though it's right next to my butt. Not that I could have bought anything. I'm a student, it's nearly always empty.
So anyway she left telling me an apartment I could go to if I wanted to pick some up. Now here's the part where time and presentation change. I go sort my mail and find I infact have money in my wallet as I'm planning on seeing the Hoover Dam this weekend and I figured I should have money to buy a ticket when I get there. But the woman and child have me feeling like I could be a savior so I head to the named apartment.
I have in my head an idea that she's a single mom who's selling marijuana to support her kid while trying to make it in the big city. (I'm a sucker for a good sob story) And here's a guy who can help her by making a small donation to this worthy cause.
But as I walk down the hallway towards the door numbered W336 I hear two things that stop me cold in my tracks.
1. Loud music. I lived in a place where people couldn't resist playing loud music at the worst times of day. 8am -3am you could have your ears accosted at any time from somebody who didn't realize that other people didn't want to hear your sh*t at any time let alone 10 at night when finals are tomorrow and someone need to study.
2. The deal breaker: a loud angry man voice, this shatters my first illusion, that I might help out a single quiet mom who's got a poor kid to care for. Next when the loud man voice stops I hear a loud woman voice. Suddenly if I want to get myself narcotics which I'm not used to in the first place, I have to enter in on a fight between two people who sound like they're arguing about money, work, and other life details that frankly I deal with without fighting people over.
I'll grant you here that I'm a coward. I could deal with a woman who posed no threat, but I wasn't ready to deal with 2 people in a bad mood.
I like hero. I don't like nosy neighbor who complains about the music and enters when others are talking(or shouting) serious matters. I tiptoe away hoping that one day I can be a knight in shining armor (who gets the gold of course) to someone who doesn't go from madam to monster in 10 minutes.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Thoughts that keep me up.
There are times when I listen to news and when I read that I have thoughts that keep me up at night. Here's a list of them
Feminism; I like some of the ideals of feminism equality, and choice but I haven't met a person who describes themself as a feminist that I like. I just get the impression of man hate from them. It seems there's plenty of man hate allready and we don't need more. I mean war is the ultimate expression of this. We protect the important things, women and children, and send the unimportant things, men off to die.
Governments, People need to move past the idea of us versus them as men. When people worry about nations attacking each other there is an us versus them mentality. We can communicate instantly across the globe, we need global government so we're not worried about North Korea, China, Russia, and Greece hurting us and more caring about how our people can't find enough to eat, can't access the internet, need a bailout and such. We could break things into states to allow local control of important things but we need a world government.
School
Work
Money
I think I've written about this before I'm sure, but it's time for a update on staying awake.
Feminism; I like some of the ideals of feminism equality, and choice but I haven't met a person who describes themself as a feminist that I like. I just get the impression of man hate from them. It seems there's plenty of man hate allready and we don't need more. I mean war is the ultimate expression of this. We protect the important things, women and children, and send the unimportant things, men off to die.
Governments, People need to move past the idea of us versus them as men. When people worry about nations attacking each other there is an us versus them mentality. We can communicate instantly across the globe, we need global government so we're not worried about North Korea, China, Russia, and Greece hurting us and more caring about how our people can't find enough to eat, can't access the internet, need a bailout and such. We could break things into states to allow local control of important things but we need a world government.
School
Work
Money
I think I've written about this before I'm sure, but it's time for a update on staying awake.
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Day 30 Goal
So having made it through 30 Days of blogging, and 3 weeks of dieting I'm glad to give some results. I've lost 10 pounds, and I tried some fast food and drinks and they made me sick. I'm thinking that switching over to fresh foods for 3 weeks made greasy food and alcohol make my body react like it'd been poisoned.
In other news I watched the movie kick-ass today. It was excellent. I highly recommend it. Made me want to be a super-hero. Except for the getting stabbed part. Someone ruined that part for me and I figured you want the same experience I had so I'm helping you out.
In other news I watched the movie kick-ass today. It was excellent. I highly recommend it. Made me want to be a super-hero. Except for the getting stabbed part. Someone ruined that part for me and I figured you want the same experience I had so I'm helping you out.
Day 29 My drunk post.
My friend Matt was here today and we went out. By this I mean that we got drunk. His friends and I went to a Chinese Restaurant and had fun. Anyway the weekend ended without incident. I'm smart enough to know my limits, and the limits of Las Vegas.
I think that anyone that goes to the "Strip" in Las Vegas has an idea in their head that doesn't correspond to the reality of what happens. Mostly everything is a disappointing exercise in finding out who isn't attracted to you, and how broke you actually are.
In any event I'm surprised how much $35 Dollars worth of alcohol at P.F. Changs can reach, if you get a party of people together.
I think that anyone that goes to the "Strip" in Las Vegas has an idea in their head that doesn't correspond to the reality of what happens. Mostly everything is a disappointing exercise in finding out who isn't attracted to you, and how broke you actually are.
In any event I'm surprised how much $35 Dollars worth of alcohol at P.F. Changs can reach, if you get a party of people together.
Friday, April 23, 2010
Day 28
I have a guest today. So I'm hoping I can be a good host. It's always strange having a guest over, the place gets a cursory cleaning, along the lines of a old navy saying smells clean, is clean. So a wipe down of surfaces, laundry that's been waiting for a week cleans up and hides in the closet and I worry whether or not I have the right mix of drinks to keep my guest happy.
I think it comes down to the idea that people to me have a time investment value, If something is for me I can spend less time on it since I'm always living with my self and I know what to expect. If something is for someone else a little bit of polish ought to go with it, other people need to know that they're important as a person can easily lose reputation, but not easily gain it. Just think of all the famous people that get pulled down for one thing or another. Many times it isn't all you do right that people see it's all that you do wrong. So for other people added value is worth the time. I'd like to think they'd do the same for me.
I think it comes down to the idea that people to me have a time investment value, If something is for me I can spend less time on it since I'm always living with my self and I know what to expect. If something is for someone else a little bit of polish ought to go with it, other people need to know that they're important as a person can easily lose reputation, but not easily gain it. Just think of all the famous people that get pulled down for one thing or another. Many times it isn't all you do right that people see it's all that you do wrong. So for other people added value is worth the time. I'd like to think they'd do the same for me.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Day 27
I've recently read another Chuck Palahniuk book, of Fight Club, and Choke fame. This Guy is someone I'm never sure who to recommend to. Not my mom he writes mostly gross out comedy, with a twist. I don't know many people who read as much as I do. It took me somewhere within 24 hours to read the book which is a light read at 200 pages.
On one hand I wouldn't write something like a Palahniuk book, since I'm not a particularly edgy person, I've never been able to discuss topics like sex, and religion without feeling uncomfortable. Part of it is people aren't disabused of notions when you talk about these things, nobody I know is converted through debate.
On the other hand, when I read people who push the envelope I'm sure that I like to hear those things. I like comedy like George Carlin, and South Park, they always make me think that there's hope for things to change because if you can make these things funny you're ussually pretty insightful.
3 More days of daily updates. Maybe I'll continue after that, I'm partially doing this to make writing a habit.
On one hand I wouldn't write something like a Palahniuk book, since I'm not a particularly edgy person, I've never been able to discuss topics like sex, and religion without feeling uncomfortable. Part of it is people aren't disabused of notions when you talk about these things, nobody I know is converted through debate.
On the other hand, when I read people who push the envelope I'm sure that I like to hear those things. I like comedy like George Carlin, and South Park, they always make me think that there's hope for things to change because if you can make these things funny you're ussually pretty insightful.
3 More days of daily updates. Maybe I'll continue after that, I'm partially doing this to make writing a habit.
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Day 25
I've run out of things to say. It's all cause of a paper I wrote yesterday. Used all my brainpower. Making me spend the day in a lethargy. I'll try and say something tommorrow.
Sunday, April 18, 2010
Day 24 An old idea.
I'm am exactly the wrong amount of tired right now. I've got an idea in my head that will not go away, and I want to sleep. The perfect time for neither good ideas nor sleep. Exactly the wrong amount of tired.
Anyway the idea is something from Scott Adams. A website that tracks political issues point and counterpoint with weight given to each point by the expertise of the people making the argument and the number of others with knowledge of the field who agree with them. I just keep thinking to myself would that type of knowledge influence us at all? I mean really we have debates on evolution and global warming. When there is consensus by all the people who understand the science that these things are going on. Not that we know what to do about global warming, or how evolution can be used best but still this isn't trivial.
It's not about disseminating information. Everything has been laid out in journals online and in books and television. It's about persuasion and explaination. I'm not sure that getting authorities is enough and I hate polls.
Anyway the idea is something from Scott Adams. A website that tracks political issues point and counterpoint with weight given to each point by the expertise of the people making the argument and the number of others with knowledge of the field who agree with them. I just keep thinking to myself would that type of knowledge influence us at all? I mean really we have debates on evolution and global warming. When there is consensus by all the people who understand the science that these things are going on. Not that we know what to do about global warming, or how evolution can be used best but still this isn't trivial.
It's not about disseminating information. Everything has been laid out in journals online and in books and television. It's about persuasion and explaination. I'm not sure that getting authorities is enough and I hate polls.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Day 23
Politics.
Fun for the whole family. I'm never really sure where I belong on the political spectrum. I'm a big fan of letting people do what they want most of the time. But I don't like abortions, they just seem to cause a lot more problems than they solve. I like cloning though I'd love to have a clone or 5.
I didn't always think that people should be doing drugs but I've come to see that I like a drink now and again, so why should others be forced not to do the things they like if they're not hurting others. Granted I still wouldn't do hardcore drugs, I'm not a fan of the jitters. And despite what everyone seems to think I've never had marijauna, not that I'm against it but as I said in high school I wasn't for it and since then I've never been offered. I guess I'd have to go to more parties.
I don't think we are getting rid of nuclear weapons fast enough, and I'm all for requiring companies to clean up their products because I don't trust organizations. But I'm not seeing enough work to get us out into space. I don't like copyright at all not in the slightest. I would hate to see someone take credit for work I've done but I'd rather my ideas reach an audience than die out completely.
I'm not one for security measures(full disclosure I lost some knives and got fined at an airport) I don't think that the people in security make me safe they only give me hassle. But all the money I've received for work I've done has been government money in a larger version of security the military. I don't believe in black and white labels of good and evil so what now?
Fun for the whole family. I'm never really sure where I belong on the political spectrum. I'm a big fan of letting people do what they want most of the time. But I don't like abortions, they just seem to cause a lot more problems than they solve. I like cloning though I'd love to have a clone or 5.
I didn't always think that people should be doing drugs but I've come to see that I like a drink now and again, so why should others be forced not to do the things they like if they're not hurting others. Granted I still wouldn't do hardcore drugs, I'm not a fan of the jitters. And despite what everyone seems to think I've never had marijauna, not that I'm against it but as I said in high school I wasn't for it and since then I've never been offered. I guess I'd have to go to more parties.
I don't think we are getting rid of nuclear weapons fast enough, and I'm all for requiring companies to clean up their products because I don't trust organizations. But I'm not seeing enough work to get us out into space. I don't like copyright at all not in the slightest. I would hate to see someone take credit for work I've done but I'd rather my ideas reach an audience than die out completely.
I'm not one for security measures(full disclosure I lost some knives and got fined at an airport) I don't think that the people in security make me safe they only give me hassle. But all the money I've received for work I've done has been government money in a larger version of security the military. I don't believe in black and white labels of good and evil so what now?
Friday, April 16, 2010
Day 22 Skipped again And this is just complaing...
I managed to get an accolade today on a painting of mine. It had started out as a blank canvas and some pictures. And when I started it nobody liked it or thought I was going in a good direction. It's the problem of knowing where you're going when nobody else can see it. It was something that I wasn't sure would work and I'm still not sure that it does. But when I was working before today people couldn't help but give it looks of disgust. Which makes for an angry me. Sometimes things need a chance to form and become better. People weren't giving it that chance.
On a completely unrelated note talking with people in real life doesn't seem to work lately. They're always distracted and I can't seem to find a topic that people are interested in. Now what? Maybe it's time to learn the blues. I hear that's the best way to make bad things sound interesting.
On a completely unrelated note talking with people in real life doesn't seem to work lately. They're always distracted and I can't seem to find a topic that people are interested in. Now what? Maybe it's time to learn the blues. I hear that's the best way to make bad things sound interesting.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Day 21 Finding a job with scattershot.
Today I took a test, it was a skills test for the census bureau. All in all a simple test and I saw people who took it failed and came back more than once. That scared me as I felt that I was the smartest person in the room by far. I thought of all the stereotypes of government jobs and that room confirmed them all. The thought only got worse when I realized that this job pays more than I got when I was repairing computers. Less skills more pay. Not cool. But the jobs is short and I'm not sure to get it I'm just looking for something to help me make it through the summer.
Anyway I also sent off a resume and some copies of work I've done in college to Pixar. I'd love to get in on their art internship this summer, I don't expect it but if I hadn't sent something off I'd feel that I haven't done enough to make my way into the company of the people that I want to meet and see.
So I've shot high and low so far today. Now what happens I don't know.
Anyway I also sent off a resume and some copies of work I've done in college to Pixar. I'd love to get in on their art internship this summer, I don't expect it but if I hadn't sent something off I'd feel that I haven't done enough to make my way into the company of the people that I want to meet and see.
So I've shot high and low so far today. Now what happens I don't know.
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
Day 20 The plan
So I've been on a diet for about a week and a day. I've lost a few pounds but nothing to tighten my belt over. And I saw a picture of me taken recently that made me say man I'm huge. So the diet stays. I figure that if I want to reach an optimal weight I'll need 15 weeks at my current loss per week of approximately 5 lbs a week. I'll be taking every 4th week off so 20 weeks from now I'll be a different man. A sexier version of me. Give or take 3 weeks.
I've done this diet before, it's not extreme I'm eating vegetables, fruits, cheese, eggs, and meat. So I'm keeping up the nutrients. I just find following a plan easier than counting calories. I weigh myself everyday and before you ask I'm at 220 pounds now. The aim is 143 just like Mr. Rodgers, you know cause it's such a great number that represents the words in the sentence I love you. At least according to Mr. Rodgers, and he was a Navy Seal so who am I to argue.
If I do hit this it'll be the first time in 10 years that I'll have been this weight which supposedly reflects a bmi that's in normal range. The worst part is that I'll only reach normal range by 2 weeks from the goal.
I've a long way to go. Wish me luck.
I've done this diet before, it's not extreme I'm eating vegetables, fruits, cheese, eggs, and meat. So I'm keeping up the nutrients. I just find following a plan easier than counting calories. I weigh myself everyday and before you ask I'm at 220 pounds now. The aim is 143 just like Mr. Rodgers, you know cause it's such a great number that represents the words in the sentence I love you. At least according to Mr. Rodgers, and he was a Navy Seal so who am I to argue.
If I do hit this it'll be the first time in 10 years that I'll have been this weight which supposedly reflects a bmi that's in normal range. The worst part is that I'll only reach normal range by 2 weeks from the goal.
I've a long way to go. Wish me luck.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Day 19
11 days away from the end of this experiment. Results are as expected. One good entry for ever 20 or so posts. Today I bring to you http://animalreview.wordpress.com which talks about how animals stack up in the reviewers' minds. People love what they do and that's great. Reporting to you my readers I hope that I will be half as entertaining as they are right there. In case you didn't see the site. The Alpaca gets an F.
I should get to work now. Got to try and find a summer job.
I should get to work now. Got to try and find a summer job.
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Day 18 War of the worlds
You're probably familiar with the story of how Orsen Wells made people freak out in the 1930s with the War of the Worlds radio airing. Many people think that the story only happened once and that we as a people moved past that time and wouldn't be as easily fooled. Only get this. It happened again twice more years later. Once causing a riot that ended up taking the lives of 8 people. In the age of the internet there is more and more information being created and I think if done properly we could do it again. If you're interested in helping me set this up let me know. Freaking people out on such a scale is just awesome.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
Day 17
Toxoplasmosis, Toxo for short. Its a parasitic infection that people have linked to mental illnesses and cats. It can make rats unafraid of cats so that the cat will eat a toxo infected rat. Toxo reproduces in cats gets crapped out and then tries to find its way into cats again. Anyway the reason I bring it up is that people who've got toxo are 2 times more likely to die in a car wreck. It makes them more likely to do spontaneous things. We may have a new treatment for shyness. A parasite. Be careful.
Friday, April 9, 2010
Day 16
What in the hell just happened? That was the way I felt nearly all day. All I know is that I went to class then joined a club. This ended with me having clay stuck to my arms. And then a student art show where someone's hug made me smell of perfume for the rest of the night. I still smell it on me. I should shower.
I might end up in LA tomorrow for the day. I didn't know this until 8:00pm. In any case here's to another successfully survived day.
I might end up in LA tomorrow for the day. I didn't know this until 8:00pm. In any case here's to another successfully survived day.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
Day 15
I listened to a podcast, called Mom Stuff from the Stuff You Should Know people. The topic was 2 dimensional love. It focused on the types of relationships that Japanese men have with fictional characters in the form of anime. They talked about how a man married a video game character and love with pillows that have women printed on them. All of which they then turned onto a discussion on feminism especially second wave feminism where women were entering the work place and men found it hard to deal with these new changes in status and such. The topic went on to talk about how there are fewer children than can possibly support the aging culture there. All in all a fun mess of things.
In the podcast however the women acted like American Men have figured all this out and know what's going on. I don't think that's the case. At least for me. For the record I have no clue how relationships work, they are mind-boggling. And with all the self-help out there I'm thinking I'm not alone. I guess it's just my way of thinking. I can figure out machines because they do the same thing all the time. People not so much. But if I could, you can bet I'd make a fictional character that all the people could love. I'd be sooo rich.
In the podcast however the women acted like American Men have figured all this out and know what's going on. I don't think that's the case. At least for me. For the record I have no clue how relationships work, they are mind-boggling. And with all the self-help out there I'm thinking I'm not alone. I guess it's just my way of thinking. I can figure out machines because they do the same thing all the time. People not so much. But if I could, you can bet I'd make a fictional character that all the people could love. I'd be sooo rich.
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Day 14
Two weeks down two to go. Have you ever gotten up ready to work and get a lot done and the world seems to say no. No work for you. That was today. I just couldn't get anything done no matter what I was going to work on. Part of that was me forgetting that today was a day for a critique in my painting class. Sometimes I feel that all the learning I do in these critique classes is forgotten when my next class starts.
Maybe one day I'll have these things soaked in my head. Sometimes wish I could download knowledge straight to my brain matrix style.
Maybe one day I'll have these things soaked in my head. Sometimes wish I could download knowledge straight to my brain matrix style.
Monday, April 5, 2010
Day 13
Spring break ended today everybody came back to school and stretched their brains. The people are all looking a little tired and less rejuvenated than you'd expect from people who've just gotten off a break. Most of the people however didn't tell me stories of how they managed to get a great break. Most everyone talked about how much they had to work over break. It seems break was just catch-up time.
I'm certain that people have a lot of nothing going on. Everybody's busy with nothing because each and everyone of them didn't do anything over the break despite having worked the whole time. Busy work. Not my idea.
I'm certain that people have a lot of nothing going on. Everybody's busy with nothing because each and everyone of them didn't do anything over the break despite having worked the whole time. Busy work. Not my idea.
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Day 12 A link
Here's a link. You might have to go back to the beginning to read the whole thing. http://www.tor.com/index.php?option=com_content&view=comic&id=58569
I like stories that completely wrap themselves up. Open endings don't let you move on. You stick with the characters wondering what will happen next. There's more things to explore and be.
When I read a story often I feel that I fall into the role of a protagonist. Same with shows. I can't watch embarrassing moments because I'll feel like I just did that. It's weird. So when something doesn't end itself. I feel like I have to let a piece of me go...
I like stories that completely wrap themselves up. Open endings don't let you move on. You stick with the characters wondering what will happen next. There's more things to explore and be.
When I read a story often I feel that I fall into the role of a protagonist. Same with shows. I can't watch embarrassing moments because I'll feel like I just did that. It's weird. So when something doesn't end itself. I feel like I have to let a piece of me go...
Day 11
This is just me thinking and I don't have evidence or proof but here's my thought for the day. We are going to lose the need for money. We can do more with less people, and new jobs aren't being created as fast as humanity is growing. Money isn't backed by anything anymore and of the thousands I've made and spent cold hard cash hasn't been a tenth of that.
People need a chance to make money to live and we aren't creating ways to do that. So either we get them a way or money will by necessity have to leave. I'm not advocating a different way but I don't think things can continue the way they've been going.
People need a chance to make money to live and we aren't creating ways to do that. So either we get them a way or money will by necessity have to leave. I'm not advocating a different way but I don't think things can continue the way they've been going.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Day 10 Viva las Vegas
I've made it back to Las Vegas. Now I guess it's time to get back to work... http://www.savagechickens.com/2010/03/business-lessons.html Starting a diet I used to help me get into the navy 7 years ago. I remember it being hard and I'm expecting more of the same as I start it this time. (Not that I'm the reason I'm on it Scott found he wasn't fitting his shorts and decided to take action.)
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Day 9 Charlie Brown
Got word today that a competition that I'd entered with my brother got nowhere. This is the third contest in as many weeks that I've entered and gone nowhere with. Got my hopes up and all, but no go. I'm remembering the stories I've heard of writers that send their books to many many publishers before getting a bite. The min I've heard for even great writers is 12 with 27-28 sounding about right in my head. So I'm on my way, only 9-25 more things to enter before it's time to take a break from the trying.
On a related note I've found that the things that really connect with people that I do have no correlation between what I think people will bite at and what I think they won't. If I ever figure it out I'll let you know that I've got it. I just won't tell you what it is. That's the hard part you know.
On a related note I've found that the things that really connect with people that I do have no correlation between what I think people will bite at and what I think they won't. If I ever figure it out I'll let you know that I've got it. I just won't tell you what it is. That's the hard part you know.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Day 8 The feedback loop
I've noticed that as I travel the world there seems to be a plethora of people who ask me what I want without really caring what I do want. Stuff like "Your opinion matters take this survey." and "We're looking to improve our quality tell us more. Visit our website and let us know about your experience."
This type of thing seems to go after the most pointless parts of my existence. What could make your shopping experience better? If I didn't have to go through aisles specifically designed to make me buy more.
The more feedback a place seems to want the less inclined I feel to give it. Maybe it's that I don't feel that giving feedback actually changes things. I don't want to insurance on my electronic devices quit selling me that stuff. Not changing.
I guess really that I'm just tired of every place acting like I (and the public in general)have money to shovel out and that small changes to presentation will make me want things I do not want. I've watched more tv this week than all of the past 3 months, asking me to pay to tell them which Idol I want to see, or whether or not I agree with Donald Trump in the best bit of the week. The more they want my opinion the less I want to give it.
This type of thing seems to go after the most pointless parts of my existence. What could make your shopping experience better? If I didn't have to go through aisles specifically designed to make me buy more.
The more feedback a place seems to want the less inclined I feel to give it. Maybe it's that I don't feel that giving feedback actually changes things. I don't want to insurance on my electronic devices quit selling me that stuff. Not changing.
I guess really that I'm just tired of every place acting like I (and the public in general)have money to shovel out and that small changes to presentation will make me want things I do not want. I've watched more tv this week than all of the past 3 months, asking me to pay to tell them which Idol I want to see, or whether or not I agree with Donald Trump in the best bit of the week. The more they want my opinion the less I want to give it.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Day 7 Keeping things short
Got a new facebook profile pic. Did a drawing, used little brother as labor for coloring when I needed a break. Made into profile pic. Fun stuff.
I'm glad my mom's got some connections in this town. I've got to get my car fixed up as I put a dent in the front. She set everything up for me. Mom's still looking after me. Spring Break is going well. I've got a chance to chill out and time to get a little work done. Not a lot. It's break after all.
I'm glad my mom's got some connections in this town. I've got to get my car fixed up as I put a dent in the front. She set everything up for me. Mom's still looking after me. Spring Break is going well. I've got a chance to chill out and time to get a little work done. Not a lot. It's break after all.
Monday, March 29, 2010
Day 6 on collections
There is a bit of me that likes the idea of collections. They seem to provide people with a goal or a purpose that makes people unique. I've heard of pen collections, card, coin, stamp and art collections and I like that. I like that somebody's work could be another somebody's love. Getting a good collection always sounds to me like a good deal of fun. I've heard that if you want to be happy that a person needs to have experiences not things. But in the case of collections I think that part of the collecting process is making experience. I myself don't think that I can call myself much of a collector. Except in magic cards and then I don't really have the rare and special ones. I do have 3 guitars, one accoustic, one electric and a bass. I'd like to pick up some oddities now and again. It always seemed to me that the best people have great thing to keep them interested. What's your collection?
Also as Day 6 passes I wonder why I'm doing this. No good answer. ugh.
Also as Day 6 passes I wonder why I'm doing this. No good answer. ugh.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Day 5
I realized that it was time for a new direction in my project. I was originally going to do the Major General song from Pirates of Penzance but the song is so fast that I would lose the chance to do subtle distinctions in words and lose the ability to keep things moving at the same pace. I've decided then to go on to a song I liked from high school.
Particle Man From They might be giants. Chosen mostly because it is under 2 minutes long and will let me use the whole song for my class.
Particle Man From They might be giants. Chosen mostly because it is under 2 minutes long and will let me use the whole song for my class.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Day 4 Skipped one
Spent a day in Elko getting work done on class projects. It's hard to feel good when 3-4 hours of work ends up with less than 35 Seconds worth of video. Especially when the work was only text. Seriously.
I know however that if I do end up working in animation most of my work will end up with much less product than 35 seconds in a day. The animators at pixar end up with about 4 seconds of video for every week's worth of work. The shear amount of work in these things make me glad that I can enjoy these things in the comfort of a theator seat with some popcorn and ridicule effort. Cause I'll have been there.
I know however that if I do end up working in animation most of my work will end up with much less product than 35 seconds in a day. The animators at pixar end up with about 4 seconds of video for every week's worth of work. The shear amount of work in these things make me glad that I can enjoy these things in the comfort of a theator seat with some popcorn and ridicule effort. Cause I'll have been there.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Day 3
Spring break has sprung. and It came a little earlier than expected today in the form or a leak above my bathroom in my apartment today making going to class less of a priority than making sure that water didn't ruin things.
I feel that posts should be interesting reads so and I wanted something relevant to what I'm supposed to learn now. Here's another link. http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/28-excellent-examples-of-typography-portraits/ Hope you liked it.
I feel that posts should be interesting reads so and I wanted something relevant to what I'm supposed to learn now. Here's another link. http://www.hongkiat.com/blog/28-excellent-examples-of-typography-portraits/ Hope you liked it.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
Day 2
There is a movie that I just finished watching: The Brothers Bloom. It is the best movie I have seen in a long time. It's all about a con job. Go watch it. Go watch it now.
There is a mystic I think to con men. It's something that tugs at me every now and again. I've always thought of it as the ultimate combination of wit and skill. Sometimes I just wish that my moral compass would point south every once in a while just so I could try this type of thing.
There is something to be said for experience however and I doubt I'd be good at a con job. I think though that a part of the appeal is the appeal in lockpicking, or planning a heist. A large risk a large reward and the story ends. That may be the biggest reason I'll not be pulling a con job. The story doesn't end there.
No matter how big the job there's always more to want. Maybe you get a trip around the world, maybe you get a large house and a cool car. But these things aren't worth the pull of another job, another chance to win.
There is a mystic I think to con men. It's something that tugs at me every now and again. I've always thought of it as the ultimate combination of wit and skill. Sometimes I just wish that my moral compass would point south every once in a while just so I could try this type of thing.
There is something to be said for experience however and I doubt I'd be good at a con job. I think though that a part of the appeal is the appeal in lockpicking, or planning a heist. A large risk a large reward and the story ends. That may be the biggest reason I'll not be pulling a con job. The story doesn't end there.
No matter how big the job there's always more to want. Maybe you get a trip around the world, maybe you get a large house and a cool car. But these things aren't worth the pull of another job, another chance to win.
A post a day for a month
I'm looking to write a post a day for a month. I just figure it'll be a way for me to do something productive for a bit.
Today I thought I'd talk about random chatting. Yesterday I went to a site called omegle that places random strangers together in chat. I met some bastards, had many quick disconects and a few decent conversations. Unlike chat roulette I didn't use the video feature. I figured that
1
I didn't want to see a penis on my screen
and
2
Nobody wants to see me on screen
In any case I think that getting a minute with a stranger is addicting and finding something to say may be the hardest thing in the world to do. But when you do find something with a random stranger you may spend a good amount of time talking. When that happens I think that maybe things in this world are getting a little better. And that's comforting.
Out for today
Mike.
Today I thought I'd talk about random chatting. Yesterday I went to a site called omegle that places random strangers together in chat. I met some bastards, had many quick disconects and a few decent conversations. Unlike chat roulette I didn't use the video feature. I figured that
1
I didn't want to see a penis on my screen
and
2
Nobody wants to see me on screen
In any case I think that getting a minute with a stranger is addicting and finding something to say may be the hardest thing in the world to do. But when you do find something with a random stranger you may spend a good amount of time talking. When that happens I think that maybe things in this world are getting a little better. And that's comforting.
Out for today
Mike.
Monday, February 15, 2010
Hamster wheel
I've heard a theory about how happiness is much like running on a hamster wheel, if you aren't pursuing it you get nowhere but if you do pursue it you need to have more to stay in the same spot. the analogy isn't quite right but the idea strikes me in the right spot for me to repeat it.
I have to admit though that much of the work that I put into doing things doesn't seem to have a payoff, inasmuch as I don't feel like I've really gotten better, pushed through a barrier or had the experience that is common in games known as leveling up.
The reason I bring this up is that I think that games have tapped into the reward/hamster wheel experience in a way that hasn't ever been matched. If you play a game the hours of work that you put into a character never decay there is no leveling down. Whereas in the real world I can't run until I'm in great shape and then call it quits. I would then have to work to maintain it. Games don't require that.
Anyway I think I'll abandon games after my brother moves out, cause I know that there is so much else I can put my time into. and we won't be sharing experiences quite as much as we do. The topics from games are better than the weather and can keep a person sedated for hours without the need for babysitting them. And it just feels weird to do situps in a room while someone watches you.
I have to admit though that much of the work that I put into doing things doesn't seem to have a payoff, inasmuch as I don't feel like I've really gotten better, pushed through a barrier or had the experience that is common in games known as leveling up.
The reason I bring this up is that I think that games have tapped into the reward/hamster wheel experience in a way that hasn't ever been matched. If you play a game the hours of work that you put into a character never decay there is no leveling down. Whereas in the real world I can't run until I'm in great shape and then call it quits. I would then have to work to maintain it. Games don't require that.
Anyway I think I'll abandon games after my brother moves out, cause I know that there is so much else I can put my time into. and we won't be sharing experiences quite as much as we do. The topics from games are better than the weather and can keep a person sedated for hours without the need for babysitting them. And it just feels weird to do situps in a room while someone watches you.
Friday, January 22, 2010
Of Floods and Fun
Rain!
Over the last few days Las Vegas has been rained and rained upon. With the reign of the rain came the flooding of my apartment. The rain traveled from sky to roof and from roof to stairwell and from stairwell to the hall and from the hall to my apartment door. And I had a class to go to where I would goof off and ignore the work that I should be doing.
Afterwards I went to the movies while the rain kept coming down and down seeping into the kitchen and beneath the stove washing away the bodies of cockroaches that died below the oven. Ewwww!
Coming back I found wet carpet and linoleum. in either case starting to restore the bubble that is my place back to order left me cold and wet. All the while wondering if I should have thought of nachos instead of popcorn.
Over the last few days Las Vegas has been rained and rained upon. With the reign of the rain came the flooding of my apartment. The rain traveled from sky to roof and from roof to stairwell and from stairwell to the hall and from the hall to my apartment door. And I had a class to go to where I would goof off and ignore the work that I should be doing.
Afterwards I went to the movies while the rain kept coming down and down seeping into the kitchen and beneath the stove washing away the bodies of cockroaches that died below the oven. Ewwww!
Coming back I found wet carpet and linoleum. in either case starting to restore the bubble that is my place back to order left me cold and wet. All the while wondering if I should have thought of nachos instead of popcorn.
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