You're gonna have to pay for it.

A conversation I had with my aunt focusing around money and how the government uses it came up with the following lines:

Me: For a while this country managed to make everything cheap, toys, travel, and food.

Her: It time to have to pay for it and your generation will have to pay for it.

Now normally I try to avoid issues of "Fair" because I agree with Scar from the Lion King as he talks to a helpless mouse.

"Life's not fair is it? You see I will never get to be king, and you, you will never get to see the light of another day."

Now the fact that I've memorized most of the Lion king isn't the point here. But people thinking that I'll pay for their mistakes. That will not do. I've got enough of my own mistakes to pay for before I have to start paying for the mistakes of another. Not that it doesn't happen already. I can't help that I live everyday depending on the work of others right or wrong that they are. But if I'm to pay for a mistake that you made you'd better bet that you'll be right there in the mud with me.

On a similar note, I've always wanted to have a transformative experience. One that made me into an entirely different person than I am. Or rather an experience that made my virtues shine more and my failings less apparent. It seems like a movie trope that someone could see the light of reason and change immediately.

Mostly I say this because it seems obvious to me sometimes on how to solve other people's problems and not so obvious to them on how to solve mine. Of course my solutions to other peoples problems involve them doing something that they have a hard time trying to stomach. So they don't do it and seem to get along just fine having completely ignored me. Which means I probably didn't have the answer after all.

Anyway I don't want you to get the idea that I'm against paying for others. People have paid for me in the past and continue to do so. But I want to pay for improvements, not for detriments.

An update for all my fans... (uh anyone there?)

So I graduated December and moved everything into storage; storage being mostly my parents basement and what room I could find in the trunk of my car. I think I've reached a Zen state of mind, emptying myself of all I don't need. Well mostly anyway.

I enjoyed Christmas and New Years in Elko Nevada, after which I set off across the country in search of what, I'm not exactly sure yet. Certainly part of the search is a job, but there is more to it than just trying to find a place to work.

I traveled first to Denver to see my uncle Tim and make sure that he is alive and able to put people up for the night. Lucky for me both counts were affirmative.

Next I went to my brother's place. There I dropped off our TV that was a mutual gift for our birthdays from about 3 years ago. He showed me his job and his basement, it seems that graduating gets you all the perks.

Next I traveled to Florida. Again the overarching theme was find a job but this time I spent with my friend from the Navy. He's currently going to school and I learned a valuable lesson there. Sometimes the ground is a much better place to sleep than an air mattress. Mine kept deflating so I got used to not inflating it so that I'd get to sleep without waking up to the coldness of the floor reminding me that bedding should never deflate.

After staying for a few weeks, my friend left for a deployment as he's still in the reserves. Kinda like the Elton John song says, "Still in the Navy and probably will be for life." So I moved on to my aunt's home where the beds are a lot more comfortable.

I've had little luck with the job hunt so far but then I'm still not used to Georgia or Florida and all the rest. I'm going to see more family this weekend and I'm pretty sure that they'll be glad to see me and let me know how their lives are going. In the meantime I'll try and stay busy, and out of people's hair.

By the way if you know anyone in Georgia that needs a logo or business card put me in touch with them. I ought to be able to help them out.

Goodbye Las Vegas

It's been a good 3 years now and I've grown accustomed to your ways Las Vegas. I know when you're awake and when you're asleep and what you like on your pizza. But our time together has come to an end. Graduating it seems has put a distance between you and me. You like it when you can take advantage of people using your wit and guile, and I just might be the same.

So we used each other. I tried to learn what you know and you gladly took my money for it. I'm going to miss you a bit but only about as much as you'll miss me. There's a bit of you that's run down trying to always provide for the rest of the country. You have to be up to some of the best and worst expectations that people have and that makes for tough times when everyone feels like being down.

But you're not a city who likes those of us who have a degree perhaps you think we're too stuck up. Or maybe it's just me. I'm guessing it's time to move on. I'm trying to go out and see what sights there are to see and to try a new thing or two or three. I'm ready to find other people like me who don't think that singing a song can only be done for $50 plus fees at a show that's almost sure to be done every night of the week.

It's not you. It's me.

My email to Harry Reid on Nasa.

I'm a supporter of America as a leader in the areas of science and technology, but it seems that Nasa doesn't have the support it needs to maintain a presence in the world of tomorrow. I ask you to get an ambitious project from Nasa, say going to mars or Venus and lets make it happen.

We need inspirational topics right now and Health care isn't inspiring, nor is defense spending. What ought to matter is the spirit of the American People and how we are world leaders. So I ask that you help us to lead where we need it most in the symbol of greatness that we can lead most the exploration of the Universe.

Ask for an ambitious project get some of our leading minds to explore and then lets make it happen. It'll take minds off of the recession and put them where we need to be. In the future. Thanks much;

Michael Mills

Tasting the End

It came at the end of another class, I got a taste of how life seems to enfold for me. It's been a long time of continuing to plug away at whatever I'm currently doing. A final rush as I tried to make sure everything worked out well. Move a line a little to the left to make the work look good. Cut a little paper, glue a little bit together, and set thing out to be seen.

Then look at all the work that others have done. See just something I like and other things I'd like to tweak just a tad if only they were mine, and still others that make me gag. We discuss things as a class and then turn it all in to be graded. But this wasn't the important part of the day. It was the prelude to the best part of the day.

More than a little tired a friend of mine sits in a chair her head resting on her arm just glad to be done with it all and we talk about this and that while we watch as everyone unwinds from the work we've accomplished. I remember how much that everything I've done in this class even though it might rightfully be called mine is a product of everyone around me.

And then she takes a moment and asks if I want to go and grab a bite to eat, she knows that I'm graduating and this will be the last time we see each other for perhaps a long time. It's not like this will be the last that we'll know of each other in this internet connected age, but here's the signal that it's time to move on and we decide that we want to let the moment to linger on just as much as we can. We stay in the classroom that previously we couldn't wait to get out of, and then complete a few mundane tasks about campus, (she's still got some schooling to do) registration and the like then off to a small resturant.

I try a Hawaiian dish that I've not had before, It's ok and Christmas songs play in the background:
"You better be good for goodness sake"

We talk about the future. When nobody knows the future and there isn't a good guide in the present people get a little anxious. But life is resilient and its not the first time that this has happened for any of us. We make a plan and hope that circumstances will conspire to work with us and make us sucessful. But eventually the meal ends and it's time to say goodbye. I walk back to the parking garage with her, It seems the right thing to do even though I've passed my bike a ways back, a quick hug and then goodbye.

And that's all.
Nothing life shaking no worries.
Sometimes a moment just needs to be crystallized and this is my way of doing that.

Choice and the power of rant to calm the soul

It true that we in America love the idea of freedom. It's everything that we claim to want and stand for. I don't expect that to change anytime soon. I'm sorry to say however that we think that we need to protect ourselves from ourselves and our freedoms. The following rant comes because I'm trying channel some constructive energy into writing even though it isn't the 10 page paper I should be working on.

I'm a little jazzed after watching "Thank you for Smoking" and having a energy drink. It might have been a beer earlier but I'm guilty of misplacing my Driver's license. I'm pretty sure it's in my car in Elko only 7 hrs away from here. Anyway I was looking to dull the pain of this paper I have to write. because as you may not know I have problems when I'm made to do "busy" work. And all this paper is for is so that my gallery practices class can have something worth grading, because like real life there isn't much to grade about it. The work is either done or not done and all of it is subject to the whims of the viewers.

Anyhow I'm hating the paper and trying to get past the headache it gives me contemplating it. When I come across the not so bright idea of getting a drink and writing while my sense of self-righteousness is dull. But as I said there is a problem of no drivers licence.

So I think I've got a wallet full of things with my name on them and birthdate that ought to be enough. And I head to the grocery store in hopes of finding something that tastes better than swill to help the experience become enjoyable.

Apon arrival I'm immediately greeted by a man who tells me a sob story of how he's unable to get a perscription card and how he tried to kill himself. And could I give him 60-70 dollars or take him home for the night. Then he tells me he's a christian and that his christmas wish is for some money for an ID which just rubs me wrong since I'm without an ID myself and I'm doing ok. Besides ID's don't cost 60-70 dollars, at least I don't think they do... Anyhow the only thing he tells me in his abundance of lies that I like hearing is that I remind him of John Lennon. However Lennon was dead 4 years before I was born and maybe he needs to update his references a bit. I gave him 5 dollars to shut him up. Maybe that's the best money I have ever spent.

I then found the object of my designs and proceeded to try and use the checkout and presented my various methods of reasoning towards the cashier that I ought to be allowed to buy my desired beverage.

1. I'm 26 years old and I definately don't look like a 20 year old trying to illegally purchase something

2. Photo ID in the form of a student id card, along with credit cards, debit cards, health insurance cards, and a card showing membership in the Lower Brule Sioux Tribe.

3. It's the press of a button that requires no pain on his part.

However these methods failed to get me anything as the cashier said no and then suggested that I bring a birth certificate with me for this transaction. As I said before I know I'm in the wrong, however it wasn't any of that that swayed him it was that as he said

"There are no jobs" and "It only takes a small infraction before I'm out of mine."

His job sucks. He has to deal with people who can't run a self checkout stand. He has to restock items and it's minimum wage. And he's rightfully afraid that there aren't any jobs in Las Vegas.

But still the fact that it's a crime to sell me something that I should be allowed to purchase at any age, let alone 5 years after the official legal age without some sort of proof of who I am in the form of a plastic card irks me. That there are people who have nothing better to do than try and bust a guy for trying to make a profit irks me. That after all this time we know that smoking kills people and that we still get mad at the tobacco companies for lying to people about the dangers of tobacco, when for my entire life nobody has ever said it's good for you irks me.

Stop protecting people from themselves and allow them to act like adults. We make choices and live with the consequences. I didn't go into computer science and went into art when I know that I'll probably make less money at that. Give people information and then let them decide. But stop acting like everyone needs protection all the time.

I believe in freedom, and I want it even if it means I am wrong. It's the only way that freedom is meaningful.

A Desent into Madness (driving home for thanksgiving)

If you have ever travel long distances by yourself in a car you know that there's a bit of insanity involved in the whole process. The road tries to sway you to sleep while you're traveling 70 miles an hour vs people who are doing the same opposite to you.

I thought I'd let you in on a bit of my trip.

Stage One: Exiting Las Vegas.

At this stage of my trip extreme paranoia sets in. I went down a major 3 lane road, that had been reduced to one lane only and hit every red light. People in giant moving boxes tried to squeeze in front of me defying all laws of physics and Every radio station played only ads. I was conserving the batteries on my laptop for the rest of the trip but Vegas was looking to punish me for daring to leave its' bright lights behind.

Stage Two: The Desert Madness.

When the radio finally runs out of country stations I decide to switch to my laptop for music. It seems that country music is aptly named as I don't hear much of it in the cities but outside of the cities the stations persist much more than any other. But even country music stations must give way to the wasteland that lies between me and my destination.

At some point I realize that my computer is set up so that I hear songs that move my emotions in all directions. I sing along to songs about happiness, sadness, anger, love, loss and Even a few nonsense songs. I've become the greatest lead singer in all the world complete with backup singers. Never mind if I miss a lyric here or there, the car is the number one place to be if you gotta sing.

Stage Three: Madness

The sky darkens as night start to fall arround me and I've used all my emotions up for now. The tendrils of darkness that start to creep around make for a crazy visual and I imagine myself being chased by the shadows. There is only one hope my headlights must drive back that which is trying to get me. Unfortunately the lights of the traffic in the opposite direction make it so I can't in good conscious use my brights. Apparently Vegas is the place to be for giving thanks this year.

I start to feel in a trance and I get some great ideas for stories, like what if the falling stars in the sky are the evidence of earth protecting us from invasion from beings from outer space. Not meteorites at all but the remains of those who would do us harm. I guess that's what comes after watch a movie like "Skyline" and then seeing things fall from the sky.

Stage four: Near Death Experiences

By now the landscape is changing and snow is in evidence all around me. Creatures come out to get away from the snow on the cleared road and 3 rabbits one hawk and a deer all come close to death as my car careens towards them in the night. The snow is patch and at one juncture all the elements of driving come together to give me the most exciting and scary moment of my driving career.

It must be noted that I am a horrible driver. I don't have any major accidents or driving offenses but unlike the rest of the population who figure themselves studs I know that I scare the Bejesus out of any of my passengers and that I'm generally safer on my bicycle than in my car.

Back to my story however there came a patch in the road where the traction changed from good to slick precisely at a turn. A patch of snow the right angle made even going 20 below the posted limit tricky. I managed to do what most teenagers try to pull off in snowy parking lots on the highway I made a doughnut.

When I first felt my car go it turned the opposite direction of the way I tried to steer it. Next to me was a guardrail and my only chance of making it without major damage meant I had to go with the car and not fight it. So within one lane I abruptly turned to the right and watched as my car drifted to a point where the front bumper scraped the guard rail and I went in a complete 360 turn.

There seemed to be no major damage to the vehicle and at that point the car registered a temperature of -14 degrees Fahrenheit. I wasn't leaving my car to inspect the damage. The cold was too much. Lucky for me I had made it to a point where there were no other vehicles nearby for me to crash into. So I continued on my merry way, thinking to myself:

"I am so cool under pressure I didn't even freak out."

Stage Five: Elko

I get to Elko Nevada where the lights treat me to green the whole way home and the streets are clear and rubble free. No traffic to speak of and I arrive safe and sound in the driveway. I get out of my car and see to my dismay that the bumper has some damage to it that has been packed with snow. It is a mark of shame. Nothing major but when you drive around it's hard to show off your car when there's a crack in the front...

Now that I have claimed this story as my own I can enjoy a thanksgiving meal without feeling like I need to tell everyone about my crazy night. Have a good thanksgiving everyone.