Building a better now

It seems that my entire life everything has been preparation work for some sort of unknown future. All of it some sort of schooling, or work towards a place where I have the skills I need to do something else something grander. I think everyone feels like this like we work hard to be at some other place than where we are now. Or at least that's what society tells us. Then after all that time, we are dropped. So much build up so much work towards a goal, and then we drop.

It feels like we are seeds falling from one of those trees with the helicopter leaves. We make ourselves to head out as far as we can, then we let go and see where the wind takes us.

But the time comes and we hit the ground and I'm thinking that part of building a better tomorrow is to be a better now. It's not a stop and smell the roses thing. I don't think that it's about always enjoying what's around us (sometimes the flowers are brambles) but rather to work as if right now is really here rather than a starting point to somewhere else. It may be that but things like cleaning up at home make things better for now and the future. I just think that part of our work should be making now a better time and let the future surprise us at least a little.

A big fear.

So I read about the second most scary condition I've ever heard about and I promptly tried to forget about it. Locked-in syndrome, where you are stuck in your own body but can't move or communicate with anything except maybe your eyes. The only reason I bring this up is I saw the movie Inception it made me think of all the things associated with dreams. And one thing I thought about is a moment that I've felt only 2 or 3 times in my life.

It's a moment between waking and dreams where your body is frozen your arms can't move, nor your legs, even when you tell them MOVE, it's as though they were covered in lead. The moment might only be a minute, but it feels like forever. The weight of your bed tells you that you are not dead but you can't move. Absolute terror.

You come back to life, to feeling and moving and it's 3 am in the morning and you feel tired as all hell but damned if you'll sleep again tonight. It's just too much.

The first worse problem I can't really say, not because I don't know, but it changes from day to day and from hour to hour. But always at number two is being trapped unable to do a thing.

The walls are bleeding.

So I'm working at the Marjorie Barrick museum right now for my class and we are making a thing of twine and staples. I'll post pics when it is done. The way that it's made there are shadows on the wall that make interesting patterns. So my teacher decided that duplicating the effect with a drawing on another wall would be a great idea.

This he left up to me and another student and we set about making some pattern on the wall using a chalk-line filled with red chalk to create the effect. If you have ever had a cat scratch yourself and seen the after-effect the color is the same and since we only did it in lines to me it looks like the beginning of a b-movie special effect. The walls want to bleed. I didn't start it out to look like that but right now it's pretty cool.

It makes me think about what other things might look good in a dose of b-movie horror effect.

A warning for females wearing pants.

So here's the thing. I'm constantly in a place where people are active. At least right now. Artists seem to have an the problem of being attracted to shiny objects and getting interested in the weirdest things. And we are always trying to put things where they don't belong. So anyway people are moving about in random ways around me.

Which brings me to the point whenever a girl wears pants and bends down in to pick something up you know that almost fetal position bend to get close to the ground. Any time that happens there seems to be a design flaw in the pants and people's underwear show. Guys wear baggy clothes most of the time so I'm safe from their cracks.

However since most girls wear tight clothes I often get a view of their underwear. I'm not sure that people know this. I'll grant you I enjoy it but I feel bad that they don't seem to know it's happening. I'm just letting people know so that way I can enjoy the view having let people know that this happens.

Laterz.

Money

I don't understand why I should fear deflation. http://finance.yahoo.com/news/4-Reasons-To-Fear-usnews-2745725653.html?x=0 I have never understood why growth should continue indefinitely especially in a world like ours with limited resources. We've been in a growing economy for so long that I'm surprised that we haven't had a period of deflation long before.

Granted the article talks about deflation leading to unemployment. I'd like a job for sure but maybe since more and more people have no jobs and we can't find a thing for them to do that the unemployment means things must become cheaper so that people can afford them again.

The other thing the article says is that under normal conditions that debt becomes less over time in a normal economy while in a deflationary economy it grows. I call bull on that. Especially on interest rates that grow verses the inflation rate debt nearly always grows faster than inflation and when people have increased incentive not to fall into debt which I believe is a good trend then I can't think that deflation, at least deflation that reflects how the economy really is rather than where we think it ought to be is bad.

Group projects never go well

I think that my professor is in the business of making things difficult. With his constant interference in our group project nothing is getting done. If someone has an idea he seems to make sure that everyone disagrees on it. If everyone likes it he shoots it down. Groups are hard enough to handle without an outside "observer" who grades you and acts as if he doesn't understand the simplest drawings and concepts. Today is the middle of week three and he acts like we haven't done enough to work on our project when every step of the way he's alternately told us to do a project on our own, work together, take a week to look at the area we are working in, and baffling ability to change his mind ever 30 minutes I'm surprised anything gets done at all.

In the meantime we have group members who act helpful but aren't, and a another video project to work on that we have yet to begin.

When the group dynamic is constantly being destroyed by it's leader it's doomed to fail. In any case I've got until Aug 6 with this class. After which new and more interesting hurdles will have to be faced.

Cat people are crazy and I'm one of them so don't read this cat post.

So sometimes I figure that I should write what I know and since nobody ever has ideas for what I should talk about my ideas run along the lines of a day in the life of my cat. So here goes...

8:00 am:
Hungry, so very hungry... I wonder if I can wake the giant gently so it won't throw me against the wall and will get me some of that fooooood...

"Hey! You give me some chow!"

Bastard won't wake up and I"m bored maybe I'll stop his breathing holes that'll get em.

"Ahhh! That got him run!"

8:30 am

The giant has such wierd habits going in that room of wet wet torture. Why anyone would want to go in... there's a bug gotta chase it and show it who's boss of this place Me!

9:00 am

The giant's going back to sleep and locking me out! What diabolical things is he planning? I'll let him know I'm on to him.

Run! The giant is angry at me for no good reason I'm a good cat why's the giant so evil?

Noon

There he goes again giving himself the good food and giving me the crap! I've got to get the good stuff.

"Hey gimme that."

Wait a minute this stuff is all green where's the meat?!

Afternoon

House all to myself I'm gonna have a nap

6:00 pm

Giant's back let's see if I can get in good with him before I must fight the invisible goblins. He could be a great ally in the war.

7:00 pm

Goblins everywhere must run, fight jump and claw before my home is taken

8:00 pm

My poop is magic it disappears every night around this time. Maybe if I can poop now I can figure out where it all goes

8:15 pm

No clue where it all went but I'll find out eventually. I'm so awesome


Rest of night

Why does the giant always stare at the glowing rectangles they're so boring. Not like this lovely bit of string I've got. Oh string how I wish you'd move like you sometimes do I want to play tag.

Bed

fin

Spouting words every night for a year seems like a long goal right now.